Expository 5 paragraph essay
This is my first year of college, age 53 never before wrote an essay. What do you think about my essay?
"Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning?" (Jackson, 2001) On September 11, 2001 the people of America, through shock, and disbelief, became aware the U.S.A. is not invisible to a foreign terror attack. September 11, a day of sadness, and a day to be proud to be an American. We the people, despite the anger, we prayed, we cried, we displayed the American flag in all her glory, and united we stood as one. Terrorism is to incite violence by individuals, groups, and organizations in the U.S. and foreign countries. The two major terrorist groups are al-Qaeda and ISIS, both are Islamic radical Muslim. The U.S. is still a target, fueled by differences in political and religious beliefs. Foreign terrorism is a national security concern that impact American people by, terrorist speech on social media, Cyber-extremism, and the lone wolves of terrorism.
The terrorists ISIS having knowledge there are no laws preventing them from using terrorist content on social media, stopping them would violate the First Amendment, Freedom of Speech. Now this terrorist group is taking advantage by using social media to promote their propaganda. The terror recruiters use this platform to commit acts of violence and to recruit others to join the terrorists, ISIS. The most used platforms are Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter to spread their messages of hate. To message others to commit violent crimes against anyone not believes in their beliefs. (Tesis, 2017) ISIS used Facebook and posted slander saying that the Jews had a ritual where they murdered Christian children, since by social media it spread worldwide. Facebook refusing to remove these posts, the Israelis feared of retaliation. Twenty thousand filed a class action lawsuit against Facebook for not removing these terrorist posts used to incite violence against the Jews. In 2017 the Judge dismissed the lawsuit stating that the Israelis had no legal action to demand Facebook to change its website and the content it allows.
Cyber-extremism is the terrorist way of creating online hate, through different social media platforms. ISIS called for the men, and youths around the world to join the State of Islam. Their purpose was to bring Jihad on the Rafinha's, and the Safadi's of Shiites. ISIS is creative in their ways of using social media, these ways allow communication, around the world. Giving their ability to recruit a broader range, unlike the face-to-face method. (Awan, 2017) ISIS uses videos to entice the loners, these are the easiest to recruit to their ideologies, they are the typical type to be watching YouTube, on Facebook, and using Twitter. Using these mediums allows ISIS to play on the weak minded and unhappiness through their vulnerabilities. They treated the inverts in a way to make them believe in their value and special importance to be in this terror organization. Now the mind techniques, used to make the organization to appear adventurous, and fighting with them will to be cool. (Awan, 2017) Because communication has changes and has become more through social media, instead of live face-to-face interaction, this changes the brains social cognitive behavior process. This change has made ISIS on social media the producer with control, and the people are now the audience. Enabling the terrorists to use psychological warfare to change peoples to their ideologies.
To commit an act of violence alone, they call these individuals "Lone Wolf" to terrorists, with and without connections to terrorist organizations. On October 1, 2017 in Las Vegas, Stephen Paddock went to the country music festival. The estimated attendance at the concert was to be twenty-two thousand people. This is where Paddock opened fire, described to be the deadliest mass shooting in U.S. history. Paddock killed fifty-eight people and injuring five hundred more. Paddock named himself as a "Lone Wolf" (Paddock, 2017) a term associated with terror organizations. The Pulse Nightclub was a haven for the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender community. On that night Mateen shot and killed forty-nine people and injuring another fifty people before killing himself. Mateen was an Afghan in nationality and of Muslim religion and Paddock a white (non-Muslim) American man. The Orlando Police referred to Mateen as a "Lone Wolf" and within a few hours, his charges were an act of terrorism. By profiling him by nationality, and religion they had assumed to tie him to terrorism. They had no evidence, did no investigations nor was their probable cause he acted as a terrorist or for their organizations. The FBI a few years earlier investigated Mateen, they believed he had ties to terrorist groups, after completing a thorough investigation they decided this was untrue. In two of the deadliest mass shootings, both men were Lone wolves. The only difference between these two men was nationality and religion. By use of profiling, Mateem charges, acts of terrorism and they charged Pattock with an act of mass murder. The information about two men, the same crime, and each man's differences in their charges, has become a profiling issue since the 9/11 attacks. Before September 11, 2001 most of the U.S. population knew little of the Muslim people or their religion. For the Americans that view Muslims as a terrorist, needs to remember that the US have our own terrorist groups. On September 11, the American people forgot our home-grown terrorist, the KKK, neo-Nazi, Skinheads, White Supremacist, Militia, and Aryan Nations. If people treat each other with kindness, and not for nationality, or religion, America would be the United...... States.Before I comment, you must know that I am amazed by your spirit to be in college. You are 53 and still having such a young spirit. Alright, let's move on from the small talks.
First paragraph. It would be better to remove the overuse of pronoun use in "We the people, despite the anger, we prayed, we cried, we displayed". Turn it into something easier to read, for instance "we, Americans, despite the anger, prayed, cried and displayed".
I also notice some misuse of punctuation and full stop which I believe you can easily tackle after re-reading.
Last, I love how you close the essay with a moment of pause to emphasize on the "United"
