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"you can see the wonders" - Season of change


ajoye 2 / 2  
Feb 1, 2011   #1
Need feed back and help with grammar.

Babette now older, a bit wiser and more patient than four springs ago watches as the winter shrivels by and the season of spring comes into the air. She sits by the opened window every morning gazing out as she hears Maman-Nainaine rocking chair going back and forth on the creaky floor, the clicking together of her needles as she knits her never ending quilt humming a song that her grandmother sang to her mother and her mother to her.

The white snow long gone and a warm breeze blow a clean fresh air as the chills of winter is far behind them. She sees the green growth just beginning to bloom on the farm, the smell of the flowers wonderful perfume so good she could even taste it. Babette closed her eyes and started to remembering how she and her mother use to lie in the soft new blooming grass watching the butterflies fluttering around from flower to flower. She could feel that joy all over again as if time stood still and her mother was right beside her.

Babette opened her eyes and looked into the fields and saw three squirrels chasing each other up the big pine tree higher and higher, watching them until they disappeared into the giant tree. Birds chattering endlessly as they gathered their nest with twigs and leaves awaiting the new arrival of the season singing the most beautiful song as if they knew that yes, this was a season of hope.

As Babette stood up and put her face out the window and closed her eyes imagining herself as a bird set free in the sky, sailing over the trees and the mountains as the sun shined on her wings. Feeling the wind on her face, hearing it whistle in her ear and thinking "I never want to go back".

"Babette! Babette!" Babette was brought back to the real world by Maman-Nainaine shouting. "Stop day dreaming and go to the market and get me some more wool." Babette jump out of the chair and picked up the basket and raced out of the door. On her way she spotted two boys running around in their farm. Their happy voices echoed throughout the silence along the way, another man playing with his daughter as she giggled in delight. Babette let out a very light sigh and said to herself "there is nothing like seeing the flower bloom again and smell of spring".

Summer come and went like a thief in the night. Babette was glad that the summer was over; the hot blazing sun that slapped her skin was not a very pleasant experience she enjoyed.

The leaves started to change into shade of yellow orange and brown. The winds brought another kind of scent into the air, a cooler air, a sort of after rain smell. The trees move from side to side as the winds carry the wilted leaves higher in the sky as they come down dancing on the faded grass. Babette looks out the window and sees the squirrels that were playing all summer were now busy gathering their nuts getting ready for the long cold winter. She looked up in the sky and saw a flak birds all flying in the same direction and wondering to herself "where do they go all winter".

Babette sat on her chair once more staring at the pretty colors in the branches outside and smiled to herself and thinking what a natural beauty. Most people just go through the season like another harvest period but not I can see with patience you can see the wonders.

OP ajoye 2 / 2  
Feb 3, 2011   #2
now its urgent! i need to submit this tomorrow. can some please help!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Feb 5, 2011   #3
Probably the reason no one helped you is that the help you gave others was like this: "Thats nice. I hope your essay is more impressive this time cos it would be a shame to miss out on studying abroad."---But that does not really help with the essay! :-)

I know you already submitted, but I want to at least give you this compliment and criticism:
Compliment: that her grandmother sang to her mother and her mother to her. ---This part is brilliant writing.
Criticism: I think at the end of that first paragraph it MIGHT help to give a thesis sentence that tells the main message of the essay. Not always, but I think in this case it will help.

One more thing... This sentence does not have the part called a "predicate." ----> Birds chattering endlessly as they gathered their nest with twigs and leaves awaiting the new arrival of the season singing the most beautiful song as if they knew that yes, this was a season of hope.---just change chattering to chattered. :-)


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