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TOEFL; Self employment or Work for someone else?


Cactuck 1 / 2  
Feb 5, 2014   #1
Topic is some people prefer to work for themselves or own a business. Others prefer to work for an employer. Would you rather be self-employed, work for some else, or own a business? Use specific reasons to explain your choice

Some people prefer to work for themselves. Others prefer to work for an employer. For me, I prefer to work for myself for several reasons.

First, I can decide what I want to do which is according my own interest. For example, I was a designer. Normally, my job has to contact many people to ask about drawing that customer like or dislike. Sometime, I couldn't refuse this job. If I were an owner business, I would be able to refuse that job and decide whatever I want to do.

Second, I am freedom when I want to take a vacation. For instance, in general, in my country, employees have to work five days a week, Moreover, every year they can take a vacation only ten days. It is totally deferent from being owner business. Unlike, owner, I can take a vacation every time because while I take a vacation, my employees can work instead of me.

Finally, if I were an owner business, I will be able to spent time with my family. At this point, I can have time to take care them such as driving my children to school, having dinner with my wife. Of course, if I were an employee, I wouldn't be able to do like that.

To sum up, from those reasons, being an owner business has more advantages such as deciding to do for work by myself, having time to take a vacation and spending time with my family.

aldebaran 8 / 17 2  
Feb 5, 2014   #2
Hi, just a few comments:
- I was a designer. Normally, my job has to contact
I think it should be I was am a designer, right?.
- In toefl test you cannot use contractions (couldn't , Could not).
- Finally, your passage is very short. As far as I know, more details means more points in toefl test.
Cheers,
OP Cactuck 1 / 2  
Feb 6, 2014   #3
Thank you for your suggestion :)
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Feb 6, 2014   #4
First of all, I have a few admin requests for you :)
You should have a meaningful title topic in the Subject field when you open a new thread (this one is attended by us). Also, you need to open your threads in the most appropriate forum. TOEFL essays should be opened in Writing Feedback forum. These are forum rules and they also help you earn more feedbacks.

Some people prefer to work for themselves. Others prefer to work for an employer. For me, I prefer to work for myself for several reasons.

This is very sweet and short introduction :D I don't say it's bad, but you have potential to do something better to earn a better score.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Feb 6, 2014   #5
according my own interest.

Word suggest According to. Another acceptable word is Regarding

many people to ask about drawing that customerS like or dislike.

I am freedom when I want to take a vacation

I have (more) freedom to go on vacation.

driving my children to school and/or having dinner with my wife.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Feb 6, 2014   #6
This is very sweet and short introduction :D I don't say it's bad, but you have potential to do something better to earn a better score.

:D .... Yep, You need to have at least 250 words to get a decent score. Having got so much potential for that, it's in vain if you don't try for that.
OP Cactuck 1 / 2  
Feb 6, 2014   #7
thank you all to advice me.
:)
halleybachelor 16 / 25 1  
Feb 6, 2014   #8
I can decide what I want to do which is according my own interest

I can decide what I want to do according to my own interest


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