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Self-Portrait-- SMU RA Position Essay

ericao2010 12 / 32  
Jan 4, 2011   #1
Hello I am a freshman at SMU an I am applying for an RA position at my school for the following year. As part of the requirements we are suppose to write 3 essays. I am on my second essay and I don't know how to continue it. Please Help and provide comments! ALL COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED :)

Prompt: Provide a creative description or depiction of yourself and your qualities and how the qualities would contribute to the RA position. (i.e. drawings, collage, essay)

Before you continue, the creative description that I am using is a song that I wrote called "It's Time."

Perseverance. Endurance. Diligence. These are only a few traits that can be used to depict me. I have always been a very ambitious person. My song "It's Time" is a great illustration of my determination and where I want to be in life. I go after what I want, when I want it. I make every effort to succeed in my education so that I can succeed in life. There is no room for quitting in my mindset. When I start, there is no turning back for me.
em2always 15 / 79  
Jan 4, 2011   #2
ditch the for me in your last line...its obvious...other than that very nice start. your second sentence is weak though
allstarz000 /  
Jan 4, 2011   #3
This start is very good but try not to use very.
Your second sentence is a bit weak, might want to tweak that up a little.
Hope I helped.
OP ericao2010 12 / 32  
Jan 4, 2011   #4
Thank you both for you replies. I was wondering should I delete the second sentence entirely? Also, how should I start my next paragraph?
kisskill16 3 / 8  
Jan 4, 2011   #5
I don't like the very last sentence on their.

I would continue this with real examples of how you exemplify these traits. Give examples of how you are determined, ambitious etc... then I would follow that up with why you think these traits are important for an R.A.

Answer mine please?
OP ericao2010 12 / 32  
Jan 4, 2011   #6
Thank you for your reply.

I understand what you mean but the essay asked me to provide a creative description of myself and my qualities and elaborate on them. My creative description is a song I wrote. Should I talk about the song at all?

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