Some people believe that a country will benefit greatly if students study abroad
Do what extent do you agree or disagree ?
Studying overseas is one of the greatest dreams that many students have had. Some people argue that students nations would be beneficial if their citizens study abroad. I completely agree with this statement, because overseas students could make their nations wealthy with their new knowledge, and somewhat improve the education standard.
On the one hand, students countries might get benefits from their citizens by enhancing produce methods, technology, which was the biggest struggle in developing countries, resulting in more productive industries. This could make the nation more wealthy, or at least, take them out of outdated methods in producing. For example, in my country, abroad students have improved many aspects of society, from producing to sealing, entertainment. New measures in agriculture, such as new breeds of rice have been introduced by those experts who studied abroad, which have enriched the yields, leading to lower poor rates.
On the other hand, pupils who experienced an overseas graduate can be a drive to encourage their local education standard. The high salary and admiration have given to them have reinforced the local children to learn harder and harder, which has changed a lot of education basis. In my country, for instance, a host of students have been inspired by those predecessors, who have a better life after trying hard to study in another country. This can lead to better-skilled Labor generations, which also lead to a wealthier community.
In conclusion, I completely agree that sending students overseas could be a beneficial way to encourage the economy and the education
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The first sentence makes reference to the writer's personal opinion. It is not a point of view indicated in the original prompt. It is not going to recieve a score due to irrelevance to the original discussion presentation. The student knew to use both reasons in seperate supporting paragraphs.
The problem, is the use of comparison reference phrases to introduce each paragraph. Reference phrases that indicated opposing points (on the one hand/on the other hand.) which led to a slight confusion while reading the text. Such errors will result in GRA and C + C deductions due to confusion applied to the reader. To avoid such deductions, topic sentences must be used to connectedly introduce the paragraph topics.
The actual reasons are well explained and properly supported by valid examples. The writer shows a clear understanding of the topic but has some difficulty in using proper reference words. This is a good effort on the part of the writer. Further excercises should develop the writer's skills in the future.