It would be great, if anyone could evaluate my essay for ietls writing task 2. I'm considering to take an IELTS exam.
Companies should encourage employees who work in a high position to leave at the age of 55 in order to give opportunities to the new generation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
You should write at least 250 words.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It is frequently argued by some people that C-level employees should be forced to resign their jobs for the career's path of the young workers. Although I would claim that companies and corporations should have an effective career policy about how to employ the new generation, I think that there are various ways to open new occasions instead of making above 55 years old workers retired.
On the one hand, nowadays, it has often claimed that since high-level workers have tendency to work as long as they can do, senior associates have no chances to doing their best, and showing their performances. Firstly, because of that life expectancy has been skyrocketing since last century, some people prefer to occupy their professionals until the day when they are retired or the time they are not capable of practicing their tasks. To give an example, it can be indicated that most of C-level employees are over 60 years old, and it can be said that some of people in high position at a company get their promotion at 50 years old. This circumstance leads visions of workers, and it affects people's approach regarding their careers. Secondly, the rate of increasing of the world population slightly exceeded the ratio of the business growth, the experts say. Some of researches show that to find a job is more demanding than before due to these new conditions. It is obvious that this issue require an effective policies and crucial strategies which should be applied by all players in labor markets.
On the other hand, there are several solutions at this issue. Forcing people to leave at their position might have negative results in a long term projection. For example, this decision can discourage the other employers, and workers may lose their willingness to get a high level position job. Another key point is that 55 is very early age to be retired, and this policy may cause some financial problem related to social security services. For that reason, companies should consider having different options such as create new positions or building a new departments, and to design a valuable career path. The other beneficial way is that companies can try to employ these c-level people in another department especially they can use them to educate new employee.
To conclude, even though I partly agree with the people who claim that the companies need to find out essential ways to give an opportunity for senior level workers, I believe that there are always different solutions and forcing people to leave at their jobs is not a reasonable option.
You have demonstrated a decent vocabulary and command of grammar in the essay.
However, the essay should have sticked to the prompt. The prompt is about whether C-level employees should be ENCOURAGED to retire at 55 whereas the essay discusses if they should be FORCED to do so. There is a big difference between "to encourage" and "to force".
Also, the question is whether you agree that C-Level workers should be encouraged to retire at 55. In other words, it is about the pros and cons of retiring at the age of 55. The answer, however, dedicated an entire main paragraph to reasons why people retire late.
Please always stick to the prompt and only answer the question you are asked. This is essential to securing a good writing score. Best of luck!