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IELTS TASK 2 - A Sense of Competition Should be Encouraged to Children

fijarakbar25 11 / 13 2  
Jan 25, 2016   #1
Some people think that a sense of competition should be encouraged to children. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adult. Discuss both these views and give own opinion!

Being children means learning every aspect of life. It is necessary to motivate them to be well improved in cognitive, physical and social side; some even argue that teaching them competition spirit is immensely significant to help them develop. Aside these opinions, there are arguments saying that children ought to learn how to communicate with companions in order to be better grown people. However, I am convinced that although learning to interact with society is important, they should be also advised about struggle.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that notwithstanding convincing arguments on both sides of debate about matters above, it is believed that supporting student to be competitive is far more beneficial since they will completely proliferated. They could simply achieve that if they obtain encouragement which comes from various resources.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 25, 2016   #2
Muhamad, why did you only provide your introduction and your conclusion? How were you able to come up with the beginning and conclusion of your essay if you do not know what you will be discussing in the body? As in the case of this review, I cannot properly assess your discussion of the prompt because it lacks the middle part, which will help me understand if you are within the prompt requirements or not.

Your opening statement is acceptable at the moment. It makes sense and properly addresses a restated prompt. However, unless I read the rest of the body, I am not sure if the line of discussion that you implied will be one that you actually discuss in the rest of the essay. The same goes for the conclusion. It is hard to judge the actual content of your essay, neither can we accurately correct the grammar problems currently existing, unless you offer a completed essay discussion. Just like in any test, if you have missing parts, you can't expect to pass. In this case, you can't expect a proper review, advice, and corrections to the problems of your essay. So come back here with the completed essay and we will give you a completed review and corrections of the essay also.

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