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IELTS: 'sense of cooperation' - children should be competitive or cooperative?


yuchiu 2 / 5  
Apr 22, 2014   #1
(Question: Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to be co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.)

Children Competition



Answer:
In present educational system there are variety of competitions in academic area and athletic area for children to attend, which could stimulating the will of children to learn and to achieve the best of them, and also be able to teach them teamwork skill. However, some people think it is better to make children be competitive than cooperative, both the values have its arguments.

A strong competition sense helps children having urge to learn or to practice for being the best among peers, and this factor is initially arises from the schools and parents, to encourage children to get the highest scores through the grading system. Even though a competitive child is usually more motivated to pursue a goal or to face difficulties independently, but it is also risky that children are becoming too competitive to cooperating with others. Being competitive leads them to success, but could also restrict them in many ways. For example, it might be hard for a competitive person to deal or manage in a team work project.

On the other hand, cooperation is also an essential quality for children, no matter in school activities or in communities. Having a good cooperating spirit helps kids to communicate and get along with others, which gives them more possibility to solve problems or to achieve a goal easily by working as a team. After all, in society, there is hardly anyone who could has big achievement by oneself. For example, famous singers or movie stars, despite of their talent to make them successful, there are always a team to manage works or deal with things.

In my point of view, though competitive child would have more motivation and perspective that leads them to success, but it would not help them much once they enter to society or company which required more about skill of team work. To sum up, I would say that schools and adults should put a sense of cooperation in children to make them becoming a useful adult whether in society or community.
Abdurasul 32 / 86 4  
Apr 22, 2014   #2
In present educational system there are variety of competitions in academic area and athletic area for children to attend, which could stimulating the will of children to learn and to achieve the best of them, and also be able to teach them teamwork skill. However, some people think it is better to make children be competitive than cooperative, both the values have its arguments.

It seems OK. However, in introduction you have to give your own opinion too(thesis statement).

In my point of view, though competitive child would have more motivation and perspective that leads them to success, but it would not help them much once they enter to society or company which required more about skill of team work.To sum up, I would say that schools and adults should put a sense of cooperation in children to make them becoming a useful adult whether in society or community.

I think it is better to give the first sentence in your intorduction. The second sentence is good!
Overall, you did well!
Hope this helps!
Arun0506 27 / 120 34  
Apr 22, 2014   #3
Dear Yuchiu,

In present educational system there are variety of competitions in academic area and athletic area for children to attend, which could stimulating the will of children to learn and to achieve the best of them, and also be able to teach them teamwork skill. However, some people think it is better to make children be competitive than cooperative, both the values have its arguments.

For eg : Beyond doubt, system of education is an incredible tool to nurture the children in various aspects, in order to make them an useful adult to the society. Some people believes that Children should taught to be competitive in nature rather being co-operative with their fellow peers, to become a successful person in future, whereas, others think otherwise. I my personal opinion, in order to shape up the children as an useful adult to the society, they should be given adequate knowledge on being cooperative and considerate on others, instead of being competitive always.
Shokhusrav 10 / 27  
Apr 22, 2014   #4
to encourage children to get the highest scores through the grading system.

Whether or not their children get the highest scores through the grading system
OP yuchiu 2 / 5  
Apr 23, 2014   #5
Thank you for the suggestion, it did helps me. Actually I am more worry about my grammar problems, I am not sure if I use it correctly.
OP yuchiu 2 / 5  
Apr 23, 2014   #6
Dear dumi:

Thank you for your feedback, is there anything I need to change in my grammar?
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Apr 23, 2014   #7
AThe sense of strong competition sense helps children having urge to learn or to practice for being theto do their bestamongto outsmart their peers, be it in academics, sports or any other activity.and this factor is initially arises from the schools and parents, to encourage children to get the highest scores through the grading system ....Now give an example to support this point.

Thank you for your feedback, is there anything I need to change in my grammar?

I think you are pretty good with grammar. It is the structure that you need to pay more attention :)
OP yuchiu 2 / 5  
Apr 24, 2014   #8
Dear Pahan:
Thank you for the help! =)))
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 27, 2014   #9
I always think that it is very nice to end an intro with stating your opinion although this essay is not Agree/ Disagree type. That helps you take the reader in your own desired direction.
bsm_25 3 / 5  
Apr 27, 2014   #10
personally i think you should make you introduction clear by dint of giving what your opinion is, because the question is 'discuss and give your own opinion'.
fikri 5 / 317 71  
Apr 28, 2014   #11
which could stimulating stimulate the will of children to learn and to achieve

also, you can put some relevant specific examples, you may take from your own experience or your friends' story to make your essay easier to understand


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