Writing Task 2 : In many countries it is now illegal to smoke in public area.
The issue of smoking bans become sensitive because smoker and non-smoker have strong argument about their rights. In many countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places, while other feel smoker need to leave building when they want to smoke. I tend to agree with this idea as smokers have their right and government cannot close tobacco industry because it can make their labors become unemployment.
It is argue that smokers have right to smoke as long as they do not harm other people with smoke pollution. This situation can be solve by providing a special place for smoker. Government can build smoker rooms in public places or they can provide signs for smoking areas. For instance, Indonesian government have been implemented this idea such as give a sign for smoking area in public places like bus terminals, train stations, and airports. Furthermore, they make a policy for business place such as mall, restaurant, and hotel to provide smoking rooms. This policy make an equal benefit both for smoker and non-smoker.
Apart from the aforementioned discussion, it is true if government make smoking become illegal activity, the cigarette industries will be collapse and the labors will be unemployment. Furthermore, citizens welfare is part of government responsibility. Therefore, government need to honk over about this problem. As the result, smoking ban policy has more disadvantage for inhabitants welfare.
In conclusion, people who wish to smoke should go to smoking area or smoking room. It is better if government does not prohibit people to smoke, because smokers have right and government can provide special place. Therefore, non-smokers do not exposed from tobacco pollution
Hi Marsudi, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, we hope to provide you with the best feedback and relevant as well as necessary tips to improve your writing skills.
What I notice on your essay is the evidence of an unnatural flow of ideas, in writing, you have to be very confident with your words, know what and where you want your ideas should go, more importantly, the thought of the essay should translate exact idea you want your readers to understand.
To elaborate this better, below are my suggestions for the first paragraph of the essay;
- bans becomebecame sensitive
- because smokers and
- need to leave the building
- and the government
- cannot close the tobacco
- industry because it can make their labors becomecause unemployment.
There you have it Marsudi, this is just an example on how you can still enhance your essay, as you can see, there are still a lot of work to be done and I hope you follow through with the suggested corrections.
I will get back to you for the rest of the essay.
Hi Marsudi, I have read your essay.
You have good idea, but i find several mistake.
Here my sugesstions :
This situation can be solvesolved by providing a special place for smoker
it is true if government makemakes smoking become illegal activity, the cigarette industries
I am sorry if i make mistake.
Keep spirit..
Hai Marsudi,,to understand what prompt instructed in your essay well, I strongly suggest you to address the question in the same time as you upload your answer. After reading your essay, i tend to claim that you seem confused to explain your idea which can be implied by a wrong thesis statement. Here I give you an example I make with restricted time.
While prohibiting smokers in public area will prevent other societies from being suffered of smoke-related disease, I would argue that smoker should not be officially instructed to keep away from the place crowded by citizens as this is against human right.
The issue of smoking bans become sensitive [...] it can make their labors become unemployment.
