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Services like education, health, social security should be provided by private groups in community

CATNIP 1 / 1  
Sep 14, 2020   #1
A government's role is only to provide defense capability and urban infrastructure (roads, water supplies, etc.). All other services (education, health, social security) should be provided by private groups or individuals in the community.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is no doubt the governments play an important role in developing their countries. The government can only provide a limited range of services for citizens. Although certain services must provide by the government, whereas governments and private groups or individuals can share the responsibility for some services. In my view, I believe that life development associate with citizens should be government responsibilities.

To begin with, the government is not a group who own by private groups or individuals, it has the accountability of every activity to the people. The government collects the tax from a citizen, has highly funds available to allocation to different departments. They promise to taxpayer's money will spend on the development of the infrastructure and defense capability. Besides, the government should provide other services-education, health, and social security. For example, in Taiwan, the government take responsibilities for the 12-years compulsory education and health care to ensure the quality and equity of the citizen that all can get benefits.

On the other hand, some parts of services can be divided into private groups or individuals. For instance, the government built a system of roads, but road maintenance can carry out by private contractors. Moreover, electricity or water supply can by personal companies.

In conclusion, I believe the government has imperative roles in offering essential services, but private groups could share the responsibilities.

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Epi101 2 / 4 3  
Sep 14, 2020   #2

Hi Catnip, here are some of my thought on your essay
I think there are several grammatical errors, some are insignificant, but some made your sentences difficult to undestand

"... services must be provided by the government, whereas governments ..."

I think you haven't discussed both views in a balanced manner. On the second paragraph, you focus more on describing how the government's function, instead of elaborating on which services they should offer, and which ones should be offered by private companies. You could explain in depth with reasons and examples.
OP CATNIP 1 / 1  
Sep 14, 2020   #3
Thank you, it is really helpful.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,654 3484  
Sep 15, 2020   #4
Your essay is only 226/250 words. So definitely expect to lose points for not meeting the word requirement. The essay could have extended far longer into the required count if you had properly discussed the essay. Since you chose the 2 reasoning paragraph method of discussion for the public points of view, your personal opinion should have been presented in the middle and towards the end of every topic paragraph. That means, the your personal opinion should be integrated into the public opinion. Call it a 20/50 split. 20% will consider the public opinion and 50% of the paragraph will consider your personal opinion. Discuss both in an integrated manner and you would have had a more applicable essay presentation.

The concluding paragraph is never a one liner. Aim to restate your total essay within 3-5 sentences for this section. Highlight by restating the topic, reasons, and personal opinion in a new manner. 3 sentences minimum.

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