Several advantages of playing sport games

participating in sports means health

Nowadays, more and more children get some serious diseases such as diabetes, obesity and so on. Moreover, they are suffering an increasing pressure from studying. Therefore, parents encourage their children to participate in more physical activities because they believe that these activities can help both a physical and a mental health of children be improved significantly. This essay will present several advantages of playing sport games.

The most important benefit is that taking part in sport activities helps children stay a fit and have a good health. When children play sports, a large amount of calories can be burnt; therefore, a great deal of excess fat which is harmful for health is released from their bodies. Meanwhile, they can avoid some dangerous diseases such as diabetes or heart attack.

Besides, playing sports helps children achieve a balance in their lives. Today, they must learn such a lot that they feel tired with huge number of exercises, so some can take great emotional stress. To evade this problem, children should be encouraged to join physical activities because these activities make them feel more relax.

Finally, children's teamwork skills can be dramatically enhanced thanks to participating in sports. For example, when children play in a football match, they have to get on well with their teammates in order to become winners. Sometimes, they have to learn how to stay calm before unfair- play competitors.

In summary, playing sports helps children become healthier, happier and more successful. Therefore, they should be promoted in participating in physical activities.

Hoang, I am not sure if you responded to the original prompt you were provided properly because you did not post the original prompt even though I left notice for you to do so. Therefore, you cannot expect me to deliver a complete and accurate review of your work. I can only review the obvious problems. I will not touch on how you responded to the prompt and how you could have improved your response because you did not want to tell me what the original prompt was for some reason. So you cannot expect complete help from me in this instance.

I believe that you mistakenly began the discussion of reasons for the advantages of playing sports in the opening statement. What you presented, from what I can read, is not an accurate prompt restatement because you were already doing a discussion in that section rather than simply restating the prompt topic, reasons, and discussion instructions. Please remember that the first paragraph is always the prompt restatement and, unless you are writing a direct response essay, you are not to begin the discussion in the first paragraph. The discussion follow in the 3 succeeding paragraphs instead.

You need to learn to better develop your discussion points. Don't limit yourself to 3 sentences per paragraph. Whenever possible, write 5 sentences so that you can better explain your reasoning and provide an appropriate example in the paragraph. The current set up you have displays under developed discussions and a lack of proper information to support your topic sentences.

Aim to be clear in all of your presentations. The following line is quite confusing and will result in a lowering of your GRA score:


Are you discussing academic activities or sports activities? You lack a connecting sentence in the paragraph that could have clarified and connected the discussion in a manner that is understandable to the reader. Clarity is key in your presentation because when you are incoherent in your presentation, your C&C score could receive a failing mark.

The conclusion is too short. You need at least 3 sentences to offer a complete paragraph for scoring consideration. The conclusion you presented lacks a second prompt restatement to remind the reader of what the whole point of the discussion is about in relation to the reasoning you presented.

Hi Hoang,

Your introduction is much longer than your body paragragh. Normally body paragragh is longer because you need more explanation for your idea.

i think this "to participating in sports", you can change to "to their participation in sports"

Your essay has a lot of 'they', 'therefore', and 'children'. I understand why you are using it but why don't you change them into synonyms?

Also, your introduction's length is fair enough but your conclusion is too simple. Make it longer and stronger.

DON'T MIND ME TOO MUCH, I AM A COLLEGE STUDENT FROM NON-ENG SPEAKING COUNTRY.