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Several holiday makers in New Zealand prefer to do such activities like walking, sightseeing, etc.


ALMAJID14 5 / 5  
Sep 14, 2016   #1
International visitors to New Zealand; Reason for visit. IELTS Writing Task 1

The bar chart illustrates percentage of reason for the tourists who visit to New Zealand. Overall, several holiday maker prefer to do activities indoor like walking, sightseeing, visiting volcanos, and boating then another movement which does indoor.

Firstly, the most activities which are always done is walking 80%. Next, there is a similar things which act in outdoor that is holiday which is more 70%, and then another activity that the people have reason to do enjoying view have percentage which is too far from walking. Besides there is activity which come from tourists which have reason that those do visiting volcanos have a distance too far percentage if we compare with the others activities before.

The last activity which also does not do indoor is sailing which has slight larger then visiting volcanos which is more 45%. It is clear that tourist choose more activity which is act indoor while we can see that those who come to new Zealand have s little percentage to do activity indoor that is proved by the figure under 40%.




Windvalley 5 / 6  
Sep 14, 2016   #2
Hi @almajid14, I see that you really have some problems with your writting here:
The bar chart illustrates the percentage (you missed the article)
... outdoor activities include/such as walking,...(like is informal )
The most activities which are always done => The most popular activity is walking, at 80%.
Next, there is a similar things which act in outdoor that is holiday which (...) then another activity that the people (...) have percentage which is too far from walking ( you used to many relative clauses in a sentence, which make the reader really hard to follow. I suggest reviewing this grammar structure)
DmitryB 3 / 3  
Sep 14, 2016   #3
Hi ALMAJID14, please find a few suggestions below in order to enhance your essay.

"The bar chart illustrates percentage of reason for ..." -> I'd better say "The bar chart shows the main grounds to visit New Zealand" just for the paraphrasing the task.

And:

* If there is more than one chart, decide how they relate to each other
* Ensure key features are CLEARLY expressed
* Include an overview, summarising the main trends or features
* Vary your vocabulary and use your own words as far as possible (e.g. do not lift phrases from the task instructions)

I hope it would be helpful!


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