Several people tend to build a personal business rather than being an employee for a firm or group

Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, Becoming an owner is a big resolution. Several people tend to build a personal business rather than being an employee for a firm or group. I believe that their decision will give many benefits with the valuable experiences for them although this also gives some drawbacks.

The people who decide creating the new business have to ready with some drawbacks although it have different portion between professional and amateur entrepreneur. Firstly, which related of time's lose, the owner will spend a lot of time in their company than family's time because their must inspect the progress of company every-time. Furthermore around money loss, bankrupt is a possible situation which can happen due to in the competition always has both a winner and loser. However, they have to be more consider to manage their financial business and business' strategies to reduce the possible drawbacks which will come in future.

There is no doubt that becoming an entrepreneur offers lots of benefits in several aspects. The first is financial aspect that the owners can be the prosperous people because they have huge opportunities to get much money to support there life. According to an article of new scientist in January 2016 that the top ten of the richest people are the owners of varied business around the world. In addition, being employers will have many links because they will spend much time interaction with other people to extend their companies.

All in all, I believe that the people who choose to create the personal business with good knowledge will gain many benefits in their business. Being an owner offers a prosperous live when they are truly. I hope that the government should support the amateur entrepreneurs to get success in their business through providing some enterpreneur's training.

Hello Yunda, actually your essay is quite good. Yet, your introduction is not too much. In my opinion, it is less. you should develop your idea longer.

Let me paraphrase your introduction.

These days, some inhabitants want to be entrepreneurs rather than labors for a factory or company. Despite there are some merits and demerits of working in own business, I argue that the advantages outstrip the disadvantages.

Hi Ali, I would like to share my thoughts on your essay.
Please find the corrections below.

- Nowadays, b ecoming
- ana business owner
- is a big resolution( what do you mean by "big resolution "?, do you mean big solution? ) .
- to build a personal businesses rather
- than beingbecoming an employee
- forof a firm or group.
- with theand valuable
- them, howeveralthough this also

- decide on creating
- thea new business
- although it have different portion betweenand this varies between professional
- and amateur entrepreneur.

Ali, as you can see, there's still quiet a lot of work to be done in your essay.
I suggest that you choose different words to express your ideas and mind the construction of your sentences too. The construction of the sentences, greatly affects the essay, of course because they comprise the essay, so you have to be very careful.