Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

There are several views of people on achieving the best results.


septiadara29 48 / 67 9  
Nov 30, 2016   #1
Some people think that hard work and determination are the keys to success in life. Some, on the other hand, think that there are other factors behind a successful life. Give your opinion.

There are several views of people on achieving the best results. Talking about hard work and determination, some people believe that these are the primary keys to success in life while others argue that other factors, such as luckiness is play a vital role behind a glory. This essay agree with the first notion since somebody are not able to rely their life only on luck.

We are now living in a competition era where people compete with each other owing to monetary consideration. Some of them are getting a successful thanks to a lucky chance, but sometimes they actually have lack of experience or even knowledge. It is went to show according to The British Labour Association that reveals 74% of co-workers who passed the exam and became permanent employees due to a lucky factor, were not success to battle with their peers.

On the contrary, the career path will be totally different with people who want to reach their dreams by scaling up their effort and trying so hard in every job. I take Japan as one of the best countries where the local people really appreciate these factors, and New York Times had highlight the great progress over a decade. The result shows that almost 82% of Japanese pupils in three distinct schools succeed to enter best universities in Japan, The United Kingdom, and The United States. Furthermore, the growing number reveals over the period reveals that these factors are more functional rather than a luck.

All in all, I would firmly agree that people unable to only depend their successful life on something that has less probability, but they have to buld-up their self-conscious about hard work and determination. (283)

faizunaa17 49 / 91  
Nov 30, 2016   #2
Hello sep, well writing n_n and I must study to your style how to simplify the essay into a small number of words (not like me that always more 300 even 500 words T_T ) . Just a little suggestion for you

Furthermore, the growing number reveals over the period reveals that these factors ...

In my opinion, albeit word "reveal" has B2 and C2 class in Cambridge, but you cannot place it in one sequence like that, because it kind of REPETITION. You can change to the other word such as illustrates / displays / shows / depicts or the other to avoid repetition.

Well, Good writing, and I hope can follow your simple style n_n


Home / Writing Feedback / There are several views of people on achieving the best results.