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Severe problems with student behaviour of schools in many countries-IELTS Essay

phuonglanhpl 1 / 1  
Aug 16, 2012   #1
Topic: In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour.
What do you think are the causes of this?
What solution can you suggest?

Serious problems in the way adolescents behave at schools, especially violent behaviours are on the rise in a modern society. In many countries, student behaviour has been considerably concerned issue. There are some significant factors which account for this phenomenon. In the following paragraphs, I intend to delve into some of the main reasons and set out to provide solutions.

There are so many culprits can lead to these sorry results, but the most common factor responsible for wrong-doing at study is the negative affects of televised violent programs and the widespread of computer games. The number of these productions have increased rapidly in recent years thanks to the technology breakthroughs. They are quite addictive to youngsters because they portray a feeling of freedom and fascinating power, but they also bring back troubles to the emotion of students. Furthermore, students can show an inclination to abuse violent behaviours in virtual life, and the appropriate environment for them are schools. When they meet any problems in the relationship with friends, violence is the best choice to sort out everything. When they are dissatisfying with the teachers, they usually have a tendency to behave impolitely.

To solve this problem, schools and parents should make effort to educate the students, help them to discern good from bad, give them enough knowledge and life experience, how to behave politely in a right attitude. In another words, adults must join in the battle against violence, because of their influential role in the development of the students. Besides, discipline is of great importance to assist schools to rule over the activities of students. Keep in mind that discipline have to be appropriate with students, be strict and be clear.

To put in a nutshell, I pen down saying that, the most significant cause among all the reasons which can explain for this problem, is the widespread of violent themes. However, we can create effective solutions if schools and parents maintain a united front to improve the behaviour of new generation in the 21st century.

(338 words)
amitt - / 80  
Aug 16, 2012   #2
One person's behavior is attributed by nature & nurture. Nature is surrounding where he/she lives & nurture denotes how he/she is brought up.

You explained only one reason that is computer software games/violent Tv programme but there are also other reasons they are bad company that always child a gloomy future/domestic violence/ tense parental relations/drug addictions etc.

Have a broader look
Please, re-look your essay & re-write again for our review.
OP phuonglanhpl 1 / 1  
Aug 17, 2012   #3
Thank you very very much for your helps. These valuable comments and corrections will be helful alot for me in writing essays. Anyway, could you please tell me the differences between these following words and phrases:

- tend & have a tendency to : I think they have the similar meaning
- have rapidly increased & have inccreased rapidly
I`m easy to get confuse when I have to write down these words. I hope you can help me to use them correctly. Thank you!
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Aug 17, 2012   #4
tend & have a tendency to :

Both are true, but I prefer the first one. The second one is a little wordy.

have rapidly increased & have inccreased rapidly

U should use an adverb after an auxiliary verb or at the end of a sentence.

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