Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2


a severe weather experience first paragraph


whiteboy16 1 / -  
Nov 21, 2011   #1
Write a description of a severe weather event you have experienced after you write the details in first person.

"Wake up,wake up" my mom scramed loudly "Im tired" I mumbled. My mom told me "You are not going to school because the snow is coming down really fast andf your school is closed. I jumped out of bed really excited. Warm water came driping down my body. I reached for the two in one Head and Sholder's shampoo and conditionar, suddenly i slipt down and felt the impact in my back. With my palms i washed tha water drops that had went into me eyes. I saw the snow coming down really fast and rotating in the sky through the window that was located in the side. It semmed like if little cotton balls were raining. It was a true beuty. I camed out of the bathtub and i dried my selve quikly and went to my droor to take out bangay to apply it in my back.
Jennyflower81 - / 690 96  
Nov 21, 2011   #2
"Wake up,wake up" my mom screamed loudly. "Im tired, " I mumbled.

I jumped out of bed really excited. I was really excited and I jumped out of bed.

Try to use more descriptive, eye-catching words.

suddenly i slipt down and felt the impact in my back. I suddenly slipped and fell down onto my back.

With my palms, I wiped away the water drops that had fallen into me eyes. I saw the snow coming down really fast and rotating in the sky through the window that was located in the side. Through the window above me, I saw the snow coming down and rotating in the sky.

I came out of the bathtub, dried my self quickly , and went to my drawer to take out bangay to apply it in my back.

You are off to a great start, keep describing your experience. Try to paint a picture with your words.


Home / Writing Feedback / a severe weather experience first paragraph
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳