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IELTS Task 1: Share expenditure for selected categories in four countries


tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Jun 4, 2014   #1
The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009.

The bar chart shows how people in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom and Japan allocate different shares of amount spending to five basic need categories; food, housing, transportation, health care and clothing in 2009.

It is noticeable that Americans have the highest proportion of housing expenditure share, while Britons spend the lowest percentage of share spending on health care. However, the general figure can be seen that housing is the largest proportion of share expenditure component in all countries except Japan.

In Japan consumers paid out at just over 23 percent on food category and it was the largest percentage than food expenditure figure in the United Kingdom and Canada, between 20 % and approximately 15%. In any case, the percentage of food spending share in America was extremely lower than the total of American spending share on housing category which reached just over 25 per cent.

A closer look at the data reveals that Canadian spent much money for cost of transportation at around 20 percent of share expenditure, while Japanese recorded the lowest percentage on this category and it could be seen doubled amount of Canada's transportation figure. By contrast, the population of United Kingdom occupied the lowest percentage of health care sector, whereas the biggest percentage of clothes spending share was beaten by Canadian and Briton at around 5.5%.




andial 21 / 48 3  
Jun 4, 2014   #2
It is noticeable that Americans have the highest proportion of housing expenditure share,while Britons spend the lowest percentage of share spending on health care

I am afraid that using 'while' as a comparison linker is not completely right in this occasion. It is because you try to compare two different things.

the highest proportion ofhousing

and

the lowest percentage of share spending on health care

However, the general figure can be seen that housing is the largest proportion of share expenditure component in all countries except Japan.

Tia, I do not know if the problem is in my understanding or your sentence above is pretty confusing but looking closely at the chart, I am afraid it does not represent the factual condition of the data.
OP tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Jun 5, 2014   #3
Hai andial, thank you so much for your suggestion. In depth, we can see in the bar chart that people in the three countries spend much money for housing. I just want to emphasize this information, but perhaps my sentence lack of good structure.
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Jun 6, 2014   #4
A closer look at the data reveals that Canadians spent muchmore money for the cost of transportation at around 20 percent of share expenditure, while Japanese recorded the lowest percentage of spending on this category andthough it could be seen doubled amount of Canada's transportation figure.

Good writing :) When is your exam?
iamchop 6 / 11  
Jun 6, 2014   #5
Britain

Essay is not logical, the comparison is not exactly. Organization is not good, it made me confused
OP tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Jun 7, 2014   #6
Good writing :)

Thank you dumi

Good writing :) When is your exam?

Thank you pahan, I will take exam on August.
OP tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Jun 7, 2014   #7
I use Briton to call people who live in The United Kingdom. Which sentence makes you confused? let me explain to you or read carefully and you will understand how to pick up the key trend and arrange the pattern. Thanks in advance.
tinubalde 1 / 7 1  
Jun 8, 2014   #8
The bar chart shows how people in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom and Japan allocate different shares of amount spending to five basic need categories; food, housing, transportation, health care and clothing in 2009.

Write 2 sentences to call it a paragraph in Introduction.

E.g.
The bar chart presents how people allocate different shares of amount spending to five basic needs such as food, housing, transportation, health care and clothing. This study was done in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom and Japan in 2009.

Note: Make use of word play shows = presents, illustrates, depicts, represents, etc.
OP tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Jun 8, 2014   #9
compared to (u cannot use "largest" and "than" together, it is grammatically wrong)

Dear Ahmad, Thanks for your detail correction. I really appreciate for advice.

The bar chart presents how people allocate different shares of amount spending to five basic needs such as food, housing, transportation, health care and clothing. This study was done in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom and Japan in 2009.

Tinubalde, thanks for a new introduction paragraph.


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