To share information to the public or not

The whole question of the task as below:
Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
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crucial information is an asset

Nowadays, individuals are able to receive various information from external world in their surroundings. The information usually created by experts on different area of science, commerce or the academy. Many are loving to devote but some are relative selfishness. Hence, I am going to present my standpoints and some specific examples as below.

First of all, many human beings are willing to share the resource, in order to help others to achieve their target. For example, when a student requires to finish a task which given by a professor. Therefore, the teacher will provide the academic papers which he or she accomplished to his or her student. By this way, the student could easily to learn the knowledge, to complete the assignment, and also to in-depth study the subject. One day, the student would publish an advanced theory is helping the whole society, and he or her will be able to devote their knowledge to the world.

On the other hand, some are relatively realistic and not want to the valuable information shared to others. For instance, a company developed a new medicine which will cure a particular cancer. However, the medicine will not be released to the public, because they invested a plenty of money to research. Besides, to sell the medicine will benefit the business growth, and also to became the pioneer of a market.

In conclusion, as we all known, there are different type of human personalities in the society. When the issue is relating to the benefit and money, the people who are focusing on their own prosperity, and would not cease to earn more. In fact, on the ethical side, many still enjoy sharing their precious value to keep the growth of a society.

Some suggestions grammar check, hope it will be useful ;

== various information about / on external
== much human beings
== which gives / gave by a professor
== in-depth studies / studied the subject
== also to become the pioneer
== as we all know
== the people that a refocusing on ...

Sih, based on my expert analysis of your essay, I can tell you that this sort of presentation will not garner you a passing score. In fact, the score breakdown for this essay would fall under a standard range of 3 for all 4 scoring considerations. You have extreme difficulty in the GRA section of the essay which affected the manner of your presentation for the TA section. Since your cannot appropriately represent your thoughts in English, this create an even bigger problem for you in the C&C section of the test as the reader had a high degree of difficulty in trying to decipher the message of the paragraphs. This was caused by you insufficient knowledge and inappropriate use of the English vocabulary. Therefore, the essay cannot score high enough to even come near a possible passing score. You can only improve if you first improve your English vocabulary skills and then learn how to properly develop English sentences by practicing simple GRA development exercises. Most of which are freely available online.

@abang yoga
Thank for your helping on reviewing my essay. I will improve on those grammar errors on my writing.

@Holt
Hi, I am not sure what is GRA development exercises that you mentioned, but I will keep improving my vocabulary and how to develop my sentences.