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Sharing is a vital step in conducting research and doing business

Qianting 3 / 9 1  
Nov 11, 2017   #1
Some people believe that it is good to share as much as information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Some people believe that some information is too important or too invaluable to be shared freely.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

sharing information or keeping it under cover

It is believed that sharing is a vital step in conducting research and doing business, while some people contend the idea that not all information can be shared at wills. In my opinion, I think sharing should be encouraged in the condition that others' profits are not violated.

Information sharing plays a central role in fields like business and academic. Most scholars develop their ideas and theories based on the previous studies, so if every scientist only focuses on their own jobs without borrowing ideas from each other, innovation and creation could hardly be achieved. Walt, being as the most prestigious and significant scientists during Industrial Revolution, transformed the steam machine according to various inventors' experiences and advice. In this way, sharing information smooths the research by allowing researchers being exposed to various possibilities.

On the other hand, it is true that not all information can be shared according to everyone's wishes. Firstly, some information might be confidential and can not be set accessible to the public. For instance, during business cooperation, contracts regulated between two companies might not be open to the public. Otherwise, both companies' profits will be threatened by their opponents. Secondly, information in government or state's organizations may contain privacy of its citizens. These information, in fact, should be protected instead of being released, not to mention being passed around among different groups, since the sharing of it will cause damage to everyone's privacy.

In conclusion, I think that information sharing has many merits in various fields, but we should be aware of its result before we share it.

I will cherish every piece of advice. Thanks everyone!

Jimmy879873 26 / 55 13  
Nov 11, 2017   #2
Hi Qian, you should have a paragraph only to discuss your opinion, further, you do not need to state your opinion in the first paragraph as it meant for paraphrasing only and to present what are you about to do next in regard to this type of essay:

It is a common belief that openly shares its information is a way that leads to a better world whether it is in scientific research or academics or business. Though others believe that some information contains too significant and priceless work that should not be shared for free of cost. In this essay, I will discuss both points of view and contribute my own opinion to this discussion below.

Also, the conclusion section is for you to wrap up all the main ideas that you have developed in the previous paragraph, not restating your opinion.
OP Qianting 3 / 9 1  
Nov 11, 2017   #3
Hi Jimmy, thanks so much for your suggestions. I do feel difficult in writing a conclusion, if you don't mind, could you please give an example of how to conclude this essay? Thanks!
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,621 2516  
Nov 11, 2017   #4
Qianting, while the advice given above is sufficient, it is still lacking in terms of sample requirements. The above example you were given is too similar to the original prompt to be considered an accurate paraphrase. A paraphrase that is acceptable to an examiner must not sound similar in any manner to the original but, it must contain the original content or message of the essay. Therefore, if you follow the above example, you will lose on TA scoring considerations. Hence the following is the example that you should be following:

The world of academics, science, and economics have been known to freely exchange information with one another within their respective fields. However, others do not share the same practice because of their belief that sensitive information is vital and must not be openly distributed within an immediate circle. This essay will consider both sides of the discussion. I will also be sharing my personal opinion about this topic towards the end of the essay.

It is not enough to simply use different words or the keywords in the presentation of the opening paraphrase. It is important that you change your paraphrase enough to deliver a clear understanding of the prompt on a different lexical level as well. English comprehension skills, which are scored at the very beginning is based on your ability to explain the original prompt, in a manner that identifies your level of English use, understanding, and grammar development abilities as well. That is why a simple paraphrasing is not enough. It has to be "different" in presentation for the score possibilities to be maximized.

The conclusion you wrote is only partially completed. It lacks 2 more sentences with which you should have restated the two opinions regarding the topic for discussion. It is vital that your conclusion always represents at least 3 sentences because you will not be able to maximize your scoring potential if you limit yourself to one run-on or 2 sentences alone. A proper sample concluding statement is formatted as follows:

In conclusion, let us consider the following information: (opinion 1) based on the idea that information should be freely shared. However, (opinion 2) cautions against the dangers of open sharing due to... Based on this information, I believe that my opinion that... is best when considering the topic for discussion.

The above is just a general sample of a concluding statement. It can change / vary depending upon the type of discussion presented.
chinkybehl22 10 / 25 4  
Nov 18, 2017   #5
There are a few grammatical mistakes which I would like to highlight:

2nd paragraph:
... during the Industrial Revolution...

3rd paragraph:-
... or state's organizations ...
These This information, ...
OP Qianting 3 / 9 1  
Nov 27, 2017   #6
Thanks a lot for all these helpful suggestions!

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