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TOEFL ESSAY " Shools should ask students to evaluate their teachers"


lyhongyen 2 / 2  
Nov 16, 2009   #1
Hi, I am preparing for the toefl ibt and need help for the writing section.
Please give your feedback so as to get good score.
Thanks
" School should ask students to evaluate their teachers .do you agree or disagree"

In my opinion, asking students to evaluate their teachers is really a bad idea. It is very harmful for the teachers and the students themselves. It's difficult to become a reality in

Life.
students who isn't qualified enough still learn to develop their education .therefore, students make it hard to evaluate their teachers ,well- qualified and having a lot of experience in their past studying. So, they can easily figure out the answer to their students' evaluating and it's possible that the teachers can give harder questions back to their own students .

As we knew, bad students always have antipathetic attitudes towards the teachers because of the low scores which they was given. Evaluating their teachers is a good chance for them to give negative views to their teachers.

Teachers always kept an eye to find their mistakes , can't concentrate on their teaching and often become too careful and look out to their students .They can't inspire their lessons as well as before any more. It harms for the whole system of education and causes the education to lower their quality.

Whatever it happen, I believe that asking students to evaluate their teachers is very bad. It will harm the whole system of education.

Jeannie 10 / 214  
Nov 16, 2009   #2
HI!

This is a tough one, so I will start with some small issues:

1. Try to avoid the words "really" and "very." A simple statement will do. Otherwise, you should use an adjective to describe something better rather than relying on "really" or "very" to express yourself.

2. Present tense---------Past tense
He is---------------------He was
I am----------------------I was
They are-----------------They were
They keep---------------They kept
I know--------------------I knew
She has------------------She had
I have--------------------I had
There are tense (past/present) issues throughout your essay. You also have problems keeping the singular and plural apart. When you build a sentence, you must have every word either in the present tense or the past tense and everything in either singular or plural. This is true of your entire essay in most cases. Here are some examples in your own writing:

"students who isn't qualified enough still learn to develop their education."
You have students (plural) who is not (singular). It should be a student who is not or students who are not.
"As we knew, bad students always have antipathetic attitudes..."
Here you have "knew" (past tense) and "have" (present tense) when it should read either knew/had or know/have. I know it seems insurmountably confusing (I was going to say "very" haha!) But you will get there with practice! Get rid of the contractions (isn't, didn't, wouldn't), get your tenses to agree, work on your singular and plural nouns and pronouns, and submit this again so we can work on it some more. Keep up the good work!

Jeannie
OP lyhongyen 2 / 2  
Nov 17, 2009   #3
thanks very much...
I will rectify these mistakes soon.
Poojasugandhi 18 / 35  
Nov 17, 2009   #4
Hi
This is very short essay for toefl. Write at least 300 words.
Also try to elaborate your ideas and give examples to it.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Nov 18, 2009   #5
Whatever happens , I believe that asking students to evaluate their teachers is very bad. It will harm the whole system of education.

What about adult students in college? Can we evaluate our teachers? I don't know if I agree with you! Evaluation is just part of communication. :-) As a teacher, I would like to hear my students' evaluations of me and engage them in discussion about it. It can help all of us. The important thing is for students to learn to evaluate in a professional, respectful way.
Jeannie 10 / 214  
Nov 18, 2009   #6
Very true, Kevin. I will also point out that sending your teacher's feedback back to them graded for grammar and punctuation errors is not a good idea...

Seriously, though, if I were a teacher who was not very comprehensive when giving feedback and no one ever told me, how would I endeavor to change? An instructor in my last block of classes kept taking points off my essay under the rubric prompt "sentences are clear and concise," but she refused to tell me why so I kept making the same mistake over and over (until I posted it here, thank you). If more students had spoken up, perhaps she might have changed her ways. Most teachers are responsive to respectful criticism, she was an exception.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Nov 21, 2009   #7
Right on, yes indeed. And yet, I still know the point being made by Vu Hong: as a child, I was not qualified to evaluate my teachers, because I had not yet learned what was good for me. Seriously. So... it is good to have kids give feedback, but it is also good to have kids remain receptive to guidance rather than getting all self-righteous and rebellious like some of us were.
Jeannie 10 / 214  
Nov 21, 2009   #8
EF_Kevin
Who told you I was rebellious? o:)
Feedback, in many cases, must be taken relatively. The "teacher" I spoke of was horrible at grammar, for instance, so I had to just shake off her feedback. It angered me, though, to have points taken away for no reason when I knew I might need them for when I really mess up.

If I had a student whose integrity or motive was suspect, I would just discount their critique, see? But I do believe in healthy and respectful criticism.

...Sorry to hijack the post, hong, but your essay started a good discussion!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Nov 23, 2009   #9
The "teacher" I spoke of was horrible at grammar, for instance, so I had to just shake off her feedback.

ooh! I hate that!
pretty0407 2 / 2  
Nov 24, 2009   #10
it should be a little longer for ibt essay
hitchhike 14 / 27  
Nov 24, 2009   #11
hi,

it is very short for TOEFL exam,
It is not well-organized. and the essay parts are not clear for example thesis statement is not clear and preciese.
Jeannie 10 / 214  
Nov 26, 2009   #12
Very true, Kevin. I will also point out that sending your teacher's feedback back to them graded for grammar and punctuation errors is not a good idea...
Seriously, though, if I were a teacher who was not very comprehensive when giving feedback and no one ever told me, how would I endeavor to change? An instructor in my last block of classes kept taking points off my essay under the rubric prompt "sentences are clear and concise," but she refused to tell me why so I kept making the same mistake over and over (until I posted it here, thank you). If more students had spoken up, perhaps she might have changed her ways. Most teachers are responsive to respectful criticism, she was an exception.

Here is the feedback I got, I just wanted y'all to know...I wasn't exaggerating in the least.
"CheckPoint: Biomedical & Biopsychosocial Model 30.0 27.0
Comment: Jeannie, you answered all the questions; your sentences shared your opinions.
Some of your sentences were not clear and concise. You placed all of the xs in
the correct columns, but added two instead of one x. You posted your assignment as an attachment and one time, excellent job! Thanks"

Wasn't that helpful?


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