Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Shopping is beyond buying goods. It is social interaction with other people.


ieltswriter 3 / 6  
May 24, 2014   #1
when it comes to matter of shopping, it has become one of the most prevalent behaviours among

young people in the recent years. Two decaeds ago, fewer youngesters desired to go out for shopping. today, however shopping centres are full of young people more than other generations.This essay will analyze the causes of this phenomenon and will propose some recommendations.

Firstly, In the globalized world, mass consumption is a major message which mass media

convey to people from all walks of life.Media adverisment are constanly trying to prove that

more consumption is a undeniable sign of presigious person in the modern era as well as

tempting indidviduals to buy newly-produced goods and materials as much as possible.

Essentially, Young people spend more time watching tv, surfing the net and reading newspapers

than other generations.It means that they are more exposed to frequent occuring advertisment

encoureging people buying new stuffs. Thus, sentimental youngesters would prefer going shopping

more to satisfy the sense of social reputation.

Secondly, human being by nature would like to show off himslef to other people. This innate force is stronger among youth group and push them to buy and consume goods. For example youngesters try to be trendy and buy new shirt models every month, while adolescents barely follow in fashion clothes, so They go to shopping market less than young people.

Finally, shopping is beyond buying goods. It is social interaction with other people, as youngester would prefer to go shopping with therir freinds. Besides, it provides an opportunity to develope freindship with new people, so they should be encourged to go shopping more.

In conclusion, mss consuption them as well as a natural need drive young people to go shopping more than others, while it carries some social advantages.

bora99 3 / 12 7  
May 24, 2014   #2
Start your intro with a catchy hook and also in thesis, include your subtopics.
Be careful about spelling even if it is a typing mistake.
Besides, these are some grammar mistakes I found.

Firstly, In the globalized world, mass consumption is a major message which mass media conveys to people from all walks of life.

Media adverisments are constanly trying to prove that more consumption is an undeniable sign of prest igious person in the modern era as well as tempting indidviduals to buy newly-produced goods and materials as much as possible.

It means that they are more exposed to frequent occuring advertismentsoccuring to encouregeing people buying new stuffs.

This innate force is stronger among youth group and it pushes them to buy and consume goods.
OP ieltswriter 3 / 6  
May 25, 2014   #3
apart from grammatical errors and some spelling faults, how do you evaluate this essay in term of coherency and sophisticated expression of ideas?
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
May 25, 2014   #4
how do you evaluate this essay

I know you write well. However, you'd better always try to include the prompt. To give relevant and reliable feedback, we need the prompt which helps us crystallize the ideas from your writing.


Home / Writing Feedback / Shopping is beyond buying goods. It is social interaction with other people.