Shopping
Firstly, shopping is necessity thing in ours life. Because we need something: food, clothes, shoes, and something...
Like every girl I enjoy my time shopping because I like to renew my wardrobe and update my style. I prefer to walk around shops, relax, and concentrate on my shopping. However, shopping would get to dull if it became my daily routine. I feel nervous when I can't find what I want. Sometimes shopping can be time when you feel relax, and sometimes you feel angry.
Secondly I have to talk about looking after money. Sometimes I spend my money later, but now I am trying spending the money on time. I want to have money all the time, and I buy something, when I have a lot of money.
Of course my parents allow me to spend money on what I want. For example the money I can spend for apparels, for cosmetics or party. Hence, my parents give me the freedom to use the money, to understand that if I spend all the money today, tomorrow I can not buy anything.
Nonetheless everyone wants to be richer and happier. My family probably would be happier if we would be very wealthy. But money is not important and now we are living well.
What are the exact instructions for this assignment? Please post what your instructions were so that we can critique papers with some frame of reference.
Firstly, shopping is a necessary thing in our livesbecause we need things like food, clothes, or shoes.
---what are you trying to say here, exactly?---
"Sometimes shopping can be time when you feel relax, and sometimes you feel angry."
---Perhaps you could change it to this---
"Sometimes shopping can be a time when you feel relaxed, but sometimes you can feel angry."
Secondly, I have to talk about fiscal responsibility.
---What do you mean by "spending the money on time"? Do you have a deadline by which your money must be spent?---
"Sometimes I spend my money later, but now I am trying spending the money on time."
---This is not a complete sentence. Add a verb :)---
"For example the money I can spend for apparels, for cosmetics or party."
---I would be hesitant to use the word "hence" here because it implies that you are making an inference from a previously stated fact. I don't think you could make that sort of inference here.---
"Hence, my parents give me the freedom to use the money, to understand that if I spend all the money today, tomorrow I can not buy anything."
(By the way, how do you make red letters? It better not be some special thing that only moderators can do, lol. :D)
Thank you very much, you really helped me to correct a mistakes :)*
Firstly, shopping is a necessity in modern life, because we need things: food, clothes, shoes, and so forth.
However, shopping would get too dull if it became my daily routine. I feel nervous when I can't find what I want. Sometimes shopping can be time when you feel relaxed , and sometimes you feel angry.
Secondly, I have to talk about looking after money. Sometimes I spend my money too quickly, but now I am trying spending the money wisely. I want to have money all the time, but I lose it quickly if I buy something whenever I have a lot of money.
... that if I spend all the money today, tomorrow I cannot buy anything.
Nonetheless everyone wants to be richer and happier. My family probably would be happier if we were very wealthy, but money is not the most important thing, and now we are living well.
At the end you should add one more sentence about shopping. :)
What exactly is the point of your essay? You say you like shopping, but you also say shopping can have its negative qualities. Then you talk about managing money. You need a clear thesis to work with. In fact, the entire "firstly," secondly," thing would seem to be labeling body paragraphs. An introductory paragraph might come in handy.
