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How Short Life of Sarah Gray's Son Made A Lasting Difference


hirani03 36 / 50 5  
Aug 21, 2016   #1
Sarah Gray told about her pregnant in 2010 in TED video. At the time, Sarah got twin babies. She named them, Thomas and Callum. Sarah got a problem with her pregnant. One of her babies bizarre diagnosed by doctor that he defected anencyphaly. His brain was not formed correctly because part of his school was missing.

Sarah really shocked but she wanted to do something for Thomas. Her nurse suggested her to contact Local Organ Procurement Organization. In March 2010, Sarah had borne her baby twins. Thomas and Callum bore. Thomas conditioned like doctor's prediction, an anencyphaly, while Callum was a normal baby. Sixth day after born, baby Thomas died. Sarah and family then called the Washington Regional Transplant Community to come and to bring her baby to Children's National Medical Center. In that medical center, cadaver of baby Thomas was recovered. Some parts of his body would send to four different places to observe. The cord blood forwarded to Duke University. His liver sent to cell Therapy Company in Citonet in Durham. His corneas forward to Schepens Eye Research Institute in Harvard Medical School and the last, Thomas's retina sent to University of Pennsilvania.

Five years later, Sarah was curious with the result of observation about Thomas. She wrote an email to the places where the body of Thomas was recovered and was donated. Few days later, she got the reply from the researchers. They invited Sarah and family to come and visit them in the laboratories. They told about the result, they thanked Sarah and Family for sending them the material to observe. Sarah advised in her last story that even life is going to be seemed brief and insignificant, revealed itself to be vital, everlasting and relevant.

link: ted.com/talks/sarah_gray_how_my_son_s_short_life_made_a_lasting_difference
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Aug 21, 2016   #2
Hi Hirani, here's my analysis towards your TED video summary.

1st paragraph:
- In TED talks video, Sarah Gray told mentioned about her pregnantpregnancy in 2010. in TED video.
- At thethat time, Sarah gotgave birth twin babies.
- Unfortunately, Sarah got a problem with her pregnantpregnancy .
- ...that he defected anencyphalysuffered from anencephaly deformity
- ... formed correctly because part of his school was missing. (what do you mean by part of his school?)

2nd paragraph:
- Thomas' conditionedwas like doctor's prediction, an ...
- ...baby Thomas diedpassed away . (for human, I think "passed away" is more appropriate)
- The cord blood was forwarded to Duke University.
- His liver was sent to cell Therapy ...
- His corneas was forwarded to Schepens Eye (...) last, Thomas's retina was sent to University of Pennsylvania.(passive voice is more appropriate)

As you can see Hirani, there are still some works that need to be done in revising this summary. Good luck for that :)
ekalamarsyari11 72 / 108 9  
Aug 22, 2016   #3
hi hikmah..

Sarah was curious with the result
'with' is not a collocation of 'curious'. therefore, it should be curious about
Sarah had borne her baby twins. Thomas and Callum bore.
i cannot understand those sentence above. i think you have misunderstanding with those three words: born, borne, and bore
you should check it in Cambridge Dictionary
Sarah advised in her last story that even life is going to be seemed brief and insignificant, revealed itself to be vital, everlasting and relevant.

i'm so sorry to say that this sentence makes me confuse.
you have to be careful when you use some comma as well.

let's improve our writing skill together
please correct me if i make mistakes


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