lack of housing in most of the big cities
In recent years, the majority of people living in cities are facing a severe problem of lacking accommodation. Although this problem can be contributed to a whole host of reasons, some feasible solutions have been offered to address this.
There are several seasons of housing shortage in large cities. Firstly, since the population in the world is soared rapidly, the demand for accommodations increased as it is in direct ratio with the number of residents in cities. For example, the capital of Finland has the same area to Beijing in China, but the housing shortage of Beijing is receiving more attention from people because the number of residents in this city is by far higher than that of the capital of Finland. Additionally, as a result of inequitable development between many cities, today, more and more young people go to cities to find a good job with a higher salary than they can earn in their villages, especially in big cities or industrialization areas. Consequently, the population density in those cities will increase, which leads to a severe shortage of housing.
However, to deal with this noticeable issue the authorities can consider some solutions. Firstly, a feasible solution but not novel, by demolishing former buildings to make space for skyscrapers, governments can increase the number of housing with the same areas. For example, an old with litter apartments can be replaced by a fashion building with hundred of flats, which means that more accommodations are created so the lack of housing can be addressed. Moreover, if the governments allocate national budgets equitably to remote areas, the economy in that area will develop and create more jobs for residents. This means that those people in that countryside no longer need to go to big cities to make a living, as a result, the number of people in big cities will be dispersed in other areas. Then, the population in large cities will decrease and the housing shortage is solved.
In conclusion, the lack of housing in the majority of big cities in the world can be attributed to several seasons. By building more skyscrapers or allocating budgets for remote areas, the governments can put this problem under control.You made some spelling and grammatical mistakes:
Paragraph 2:
"reasons" not "seasons";
The population of the world is SOARING rapidly, the demand for accommodation is increasing/increases
Paragraph 3:
"Firstly, a feasible solution but not ... " this sentence need to be revised : "a feasible but not novel solution is demolishing..." . I think you should write two sentences in stead of one like this to avoid making mistake.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 If I am right and this is an extent essay, you will lose major points with this type of response because of the lack of direct response to the given question which is:
To what extent do you agree or disagree? All I read in the prompt paraphrase was a direct opinion instead of a measured response. Therefore, your task response will be deemed unrelated to the task, which means you may get a TA score of 2 with this essay. That is because you did not express a clear position based on the prompt requirement.
As you very well know, you will not be able to get achieve a 5 band score if you do not do well in the TA section which is comprised of :
- Paraphrased prompt
- Response to prompt question
Therefore, regardless of how many words you wrote for this essay, you will not find yourself scoring close to the passing mark. By the way, you should not be writing 367 words for this essay. Based on the 40 minute time limit, you should be writing only about 290 words maximum for this essay. You are encouraged to write more words by most tutors, however, those tutors fail to consider that it is not the number of words that you are scored on but rather, the clarity of your discussion. You are over presenting the reasons in every paragraph without a clear explanation as to how these relate together. Remember, all examples and reasons must create a cohesive paragraph. You can do that in 5 sentences, which is the normal length of each paragraph presented.
Additionally, your discussion makes suggestions regarding the problem instead of offering an explanation of why you agree with the discussion. I strongly suggest that you learn to review and understand the discussion requirements before you start writing an essay. If you misunderstand the discussion, you will end up with a misrepresented essay. Which can then lead to a not so flattering final score on your part.
