The word limit for the two questions is 350 words in total. Can someone please check my grammar and give me some feedback?
Thank you so much!!!
1. The School of Engineering offers 9 concentration options, including (...) We are curious to know, however, if any particular program within Engineering presently appeals to you.
2. What experiences and/or courses beyond school work have broadened your interest in Engineering?
Engineering, a perfect combination of my passions in math and physics, has appealed to me since grade 10. However, I was unsure about whether this pathway was suitable for me since none of my family members were in this field.
In order to learn more about engineering, I did my co-op placement at Hand and Upper Limb Centre (HULC), Western University. I worked in the bioengineering laboratory directed by Dr. Jim Johnson and participated in a research projects on optimizing the design of stemless shoulder implants. Working as a research assistant was totally not what I expected. Instead of playing with test tubes and chemicals as I imagined, I did mostly mechanical work-crunching data, making graphs, analyzing CT scans. Life only got excited when I saw people testing on cadavers' arms. At first I thought this job was neither interesting nor preparing me for university. But surprisingly, when I finally finished analyzing 64 shoulder specimens and knew that this research project could get into the next stage, the sense of accomplishment and satisfaction was stronger than anytime in my life. I started to see the real charm of engineering research, which to me was like practising a religious faith. The exploration of unknown was tough, but I got true happiness while fully devoting myself in this field because I knew I was helping patients in need.
This experience strengthened my interest in the biomedical engineering program at Brown. I want to take ENGN 1490 - Biomaterials with Dr. Ian Y. Wong and learn more about the application of materials in biology and medicine. More specifically, I want to learn more about the materials used in bone and joint replacement as that was what I researched on during my co-op. I also want to take ENGN 1210 - Biomechanics with Dr. Thomas R. Powers. Mechanics is always my favourite part of physics. It is interesting to see how it is used in bioengineering. I would also love to assist Dr. Joseph Crisco's research on upper extremity mechanics. I have participated and enjoyed the research on distal radioulnar joint kinematics in hand fractures in the HULC lab, so Dr. Crisco's interest in sports injury prevention and performance really appeals to me.
I quite like it. You are specific and you are showing experience but I would still advise you to somehow convey more eagerness to learn.
Maybe try to make the essay more creative. This is hard since you only have 350 words but it is very rewarding. Try to come up with an awesome story and the admissions officer will remember you.
this is way more specific, that is positive. Overall the essay became a bit harder to read. It is also a good idea to tell the reader why. Why do you want to do this? What are your specific goals?
Hi Erica, I believe this is my first time to review your writing projects and I can assure you we are doing every bit of best practices in order to provide you with the most accurate and comprehensive feedback that will boost your confidence in submitting your project.
Now, first things first, as this is with two different prompt, I was expecting two different and separate essays. Yes, this is a supplement essay with two questions and I believe, in order for you to showcase and highlight your answers and a clear approach on the task at hand.
Furthermore, I suggest that you write the question, followed by the answer and do the same for the second question, also, you can try to post the essay on separate occasions, this way you will have further focus and wider audience to give you additional support in your revision. For now, I would like to leave you with this insights and hopefully you can repost the essay in a way mentioned above.