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Showing TV shows in all countries - writing IELTS academic task two


Bams17 28 / 43  
Nov 18, 2016   #1
Question:

Some people say that you can learn more about another country by watching television programmes and films about it than by actually visiting it.
How true this statement? Is there anything you can learn about another country by visiting it that you cannot learn by watching programmes and films about it?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience
.

Answer:

In globalisation era, people can get anything information every time particular by television. In this case several people believe that from television contents or movies we can access and learn about another state; however, not all of countries can learn by television because several of them have vital privation which is cannot expose to the public.

Recently, developed era offering easiness to access much information connecting people in the worldwide. In this view people can learn anything including about another country such as cultures, languages, and social lifestyle even the heritage. For example, there is television station providing programme about explore countries in the world called VOA channel. This channel gives much information about another country such the USA. When they shows the USA, they will explore anything about the USA such as economic, education, culture or politics which is up to date in the USA.

On the other hand, there are several countries which is would not shows their details country. This is because to keep their vital information to the public, to prevent threatening from out country and limited facilities or inaccessible. Other reason is the state does not interesting to show in the movies or television programmes. Many reasons in this case which is cannot showing the country to the television programme, so if people want to know about the country they should visiting directly the place.

In conclusion, television programmes and movies some times can be reference to learn about another country, but in fact not all of countries can show in the both of those. I hope in the future television programme completely show all of the countries even remote area and inaccessible.

278 word.

alfinkurnia 33 / 47  
Nov 19, 2016   #2
Hello bams this is my correction for you.

1. Please don't write too many words (aim for 250-265)
2. Use contractions such as "don't", "shouldn't", etc
3. Jump from one idea to the next: link, link, link!
4. Use the wrong tone (essays are always formal)

Thankyou
ifraanisa05 44 / 70 6  
Nov 19, 2016   #3
Hi Bams,
i will give you suggestions
may it helps

... get anything information every time particularparticular time by television.
put an adjective before your noun phrase or you can say 'every time in particular'

however, not all of countries can learnbe learned by television
using passive form --> modal + be + V3

Recently, developed era is offering (...) information to connectingconnect people in the worldwideover the world

In this view, (put comma after introductory phrase) people can learn......

When they showsshow the USA
(subject verb agreement)

there are several countries which isare would not showsshow their details country.
(subject verb agreement)
modal + V1


This is because to keep their vital information to the public, ...
This regulation is made for keeping safe the vital information, preventing ...
because + S + V
because of + Noun
pay attention to compound sentence. ..... and ....... before and after word 'and' must be equal


Other reason is the state....
other + noun plural
another + noun singular
alfinkurnia 33 / 47  
Nov 19, 2016   #4
Hello bams, In my oppinion your writing is quite good.

But there are several correction from me such as:
1. if you write for writing test 2 in IELTS, Remember maximum word you must write approximately 250-265
2. Using contraction like don't and shouldn't
3. using connection word
4. keep you idea to topic don't Jump from one idea to the next
5. combine arguments "for" and "against" in the same paragraph
6. is better not many Repeat words
7. If you knows idioms, using it.

Thanks
mardian24 46 / 75  
Nov 19, 2016   #5
Hi Bams, let me give some comments on your essay.

1. ... When they showsshow the USA ..
After they should be followed by plural verb

2. ... anything about the USA, such as ...
before 'such as' you need to give comma

3. ... about the country, they should visitingvisit directly the place
It is about first condition sentence, you need to use comma when you are telling about new clause and after modal must followed by infinitive

Thank you,
Keep writing
Beauty17 56 / 88 5  
Nov 19, 2016   #6
Hallo i want to give you some suggestion..

In globalisation era, people can get anything information every ...
In this case several people believe that from television contents or movies we can access and learn about another state; however, not all of countries can learn by television because several of them ...

1. ANYTHING ->> ANY refer to negative statement or question. It cannot be used in positif sentence. Therefor, EVERYTHING is more appropiate.

2. In this case, (COMMA) several people ...

3.can learn by television ->> THIS IS ACTUALLY WRONG PASSIVE SENTENCE. PASSIVE FORMULA IS TO BE + PAST PARTICIPLE SO IT MUST CAN BE LEARNT BY TELEVISION


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