Guys!!! What do you think of my essay?
Is it too long and boring? I will appreciate all of your help and just tell the truth even if it is harsh. Please help me!!! I am in total confusion and deadline is approaching!! Whoaaa!!
Silent danger
I was out of breath, but still running to escape from the 2 big men, following me. I had no other choice to leave my dear bag as it was making me heavy and the footsteps were becoming distinct. I was extremely terrified and my body was shivering. I exerted all the remained strength and headed forward.
Actually, this day was usual winter day from the beginning. I went to school and attended my extracurricular activities. I was a bit late and everything was dark when I left school. I was walking to my home from the bus stop in a wonderful atmosphere, with snow flake coming from the sky and gentle breeze blowing the cheek.
As there was nobody around me, I felt little strange, but since it was the road I almost every day walk through, I was relaxed. Everything was OK until I saw a small car approaching towards me. The car slowed down and stopped right next to me. The back window of the car descended and one man emitted his head and said ''Wanna take a ride?'', I suddenly felt something was going wrong. In the dark street, obviously two or more people driving a car, (I exactly couldn't count the number as the windows had black centerfold. There were 2 following me, one driving a car) asked 14 year-old teenage girl if she would take a ride? My heart told me to run and I just ran through the pedestrian path since this scene coincided the recently broadened silent danger in my country, human trafficking.
As the victims said, awful human trafficking criminal groups drag the girls into their cars and stupefy. Girls wake up in the basement of the unfamiliar buildings and became the victims of that silent danger, human trafficking. By the approximate estimate, at that time over 150 girls were lost and only 8 of them were found. But no one knows the exact number. Some members of the group only bring the girls and some of them do the jobs of selling girls like merchandise.
Just like the purported usual scene, 2 of the group members followed me. Maybe they weren't the part of the criminal group, but they undoubtedly had the intention to harm me. This was the incident that happened to me.
I never imagined that someday I would face this kind of danger and would be escaping from the 2 terrifying big creatures who have human figures outside, but beasts with no feeling inside.
My heart was beating extremely fast like as if it was to explode.
In those running moments, my aspirations and wishes all were revolving in my head. My mother was in foreign country, working as a cleaner and nanny in other people's house and my father was also trying hard, working two shift, as a taxi driver and carpenter. If I got caught, then what would happen to my wish of making my dear parents live happily? What would happen to my wish of becoming a rich person to help poor people? As I more remembered these things, the more I forced myself.
Even though I am not very fast, I was very fast on that day with the help of my dreams and aspirations. I didn't stop until I stepped my door step. The joy of coming home safe was ineffable. I right burst into tears because of the happiness.
Even though the danger experience always makes me feel the fear I experienced, it also made my goals more broadened.
I, myself, could have been one of the victims of silent danger, or ravishment. I could be lost. Then, maybe today I won't be writing this application essay. Therefore, I want to dedicate my life also in helping the victims. The silent danger's victims are more becoming numerous, and yet there are no big victim specialized centers exist. Furthermore, because of the lack of psychologist in my country, 90% of the victims do suicide.
The futures of the many other young girls are also in danger. They are living in the dangerous situation. I want to save many victims' lives and also, protect my country's beautiful young girls from silent danger, with the help of the knowledge I will receive in College.
Well,the beginning is pretty captivating. For starters,replace all the 2's with "two". My only question is what point are you trying to get across with your essay?
It would be much better if you stuck with one "end result" and really reflected on it.
hope that helped. goodluck!
