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'simplistic view'; Can petrol price increase impact on pollution?


fish333 3 / 7  
Aug 19, 2011   #1
Topic:
Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
What other measures do you think might be effective?

My essay:
Nowadays, the importance of vehicles has been widely recognized thoughout the world. However, it rises concerns about the increasingly severe traffic problems as well as the automobile exhaust pollution. Some argue that the best solution to these issues is raising the price of petrol. From my perspective, I think their view is overly simplistic.

Undeniably, making the fuel cost more money could limit the number of vehicles to some extent. Due to the increasing number of petrol stations, the competition in this field is more and more fierce, thus the price of petrol could be lower in the future. Therefore, those who are suffering from the inefficiency of public transport tend to own a car immediately. Moreover, some families purchase even more than three cars just for their own sake. In such case if they must pay more money on fuel, they may consider about that price of purchasing additionally for more time.

Nevertheless, such an argument may restrict the real necessity of automobiles. In fact, some families really need one or two cars. For example, three family members have to work or study in three place separated so far with each other, then they need to acquire at least two cars or they may both be late. On the other hand, the development of automobile industry could be restrained as well as the employments offered by it, which could have negative effects on economy. Therefore, I can hardly agree that the solution is the best.

From my mind, I think there are three ways tosolve these problems. Firstly, a new method of expenditure classification could be adopted. For instance, individuals had to pay much more for fuel if they possess more than three vehicles; secondly, the government should develop the public transport to meet the residents' demand; last but not least, the people should be encouraged to use electric car to reduce the car emissions.

To conclude, I personally believe the government should take some actions such as classifying the payment, boosting the public transport and encouraging individuals to adopt the zero-emission cars, rather than raising the price of petrol, to get rid of the traffic and pollution problems.

Any help is great! thx in advance :)

Alisha123 9 / 18  
Aug 19, 2011   #2
Instead of emphasizing on oil prices u have focused more on number of vechiles, it is right to support ur argument but I thinkj focus more on prices and other effective ways of controlling traffic... which is missing
TomLin 2 / 2  
Aug 19, 2011   #3
In fact, some families really need one or two cars-------

I think what you mean is that there are some families need more than one car, they need two or three cars, so I recommed you can just write "some families really need more than one car" I think that would be more clear
OP fish333 3 / 7  
Aug 19, 2011   #4
thx to u all above...and is there any word wrong used or any problem about fluency?
TomLin 2 / 2  
Aug 19, 2011   #5
Moreover, some families purchase even more than three cars just for their own sake.

I think for their own sake is not appropriate written in academic essay,

I advice you may change like this.... some families purchase more than three cars only to gratify their vanity
hvthoteen 16 / 44 4  
Aug 19, 2011   #6
"However, it rises concerns " --> raises

"From my perspective, I think their view is overly simplistic" --> From my perspective is equivalent to i think :d

And i think your introductory paragraph is not very clear in what you will present in the next paragraphs

"thus the price of petrol could be lower in the future" --> many experts do not think so :))
and i think if they have money to buy 3 cars, money spent on fuel seems not to affect their decision :d so your idea in this para is not very reasonable

also, "they may consider about that price of purchasing additionally for more time" ---> i cannot understand this clause

"On the other hand, the development of automobile industry could be restrained as well as the employments offered by it, which could have negative effects on economy"

--> On the other hand, the development of automobile industry could be restrained, which leads to more unemployment in the field and adversely affects the global economy.

"From my mind, I think" --> the reason is above

"individuals had to pay much more" --> will have to pay. also your idea here seems confusing

"the people should be encouraged to use electric car to reduce the car emissions "
---> people should be encouraged to use fuel-efficient vehicles to reduce greenhouse gas emissions

Good luck!
OP fish333 3 / 7  
Aug 19, 2011   #7
Lin-Yen-Chu & Hoang Van Tho, thank u very much for your comments!

and i think if they have money to buy 3 cars, money spent on fuel seems not to affect their decision :d so your idea in this para is not very reasonable

Here I intended to say the high price could be the barrier to those who really need more cars, but I was not sure how to prove it...maybe just mentioned one car's situation would be easier...


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