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Single career or several careers or ways of earning money and further studying


hungxd08 3 / 5 4  
Dec 10, 2019   #1
Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no special knowledge of the following topic:

The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one.


The new fashion might be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life.


Nowadays, many people think that pursuing several careers or ways of earning money and further education is better than having a single career. In my opinion, I would argue that both cases also have their own advantages and disadvantages and the most important thing are our choices.

On the one hand, having one work might be appropriate for a large number of people. Firstly, focusing on only one long-term work might help people to obtain high promotions with higher income than other. The fact is that employees or officers might improve significantly their qualifications and experiences that make their considerable advantages compared to others who do not focusing on works. Secondly, not everyone might have ability to pursuit several works or way of earning money and further education. Instead of wasting their health to do many works at the same time or further studying, they should focus on their current work and spend the free time for relaxing or taking care of their family.

On the other hand, pursuing several careers or ways of earning money or further education also bring a large amount of advantages. Firstly, through experiencing several careers, people might choose the most proper career that they feel satisfies and happiest. Secondly, by doing several works at the same time, employees might earn extra money that might be spent for their family, travelling. Thirdly, higher education might have people have a good profile that might make significant advantage when they apply for higher position in the future compared to others.

In conclusion, I would argue that having a single career or pursuing several works or ways of earning money and higher education also has their own advantages. People should carefully consider before choosing which one is most proper to them.

Maria - / 1,099 389  
Dec 12, 2019   #2
@hungxd08
Hi, I'll give you feedback on this essay. I hope that this somehow helps you in your learning endeavors.

First and foremost, ensure that you are delivering the message of your text with as much clarity as possible. For instance, in the first paragraph, the first line should have been trimmed down to ensure that you aren't going to be misinterpreted. Try to straight up just mention that people now have more options with regards to their long-term career as putting it this way appears more concise and yet still stands for the meaning you wanted to relay. Utilize this line throughout the writing when you want to mention again what the core message of the text is.

Furthermore, I find that the very vague way that you introduce concepts and lines is ineffective because it deprives the readers of the necessary depth that they would need otherwise. Try to keep in mind that having a one-liner where you mention that people are more satisfied in their careers because of this appears to be just a hanging thought. Try to illustrate more a line. Focus more on quality and depth over the quantity of information you're putting out here.


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