TOPIC: Agree or disagree; Teachers should not make their social and political views known to students in classroom.
Hello everyone! I have a new essay that I'll be counting on you to check, feel free to comment on it as much as you want! Thanks!
Students are educated so that they may choose what they wish to believe is justice when they have gathered enough knowledge to come up with a conclusion on social or political issues. That said, students should not be fed with highly personal opinions from others about political or social views from other individual for it can completely influence their way of thinking. Therefore, teachers should not make their social and politic views known to students in the classroom.
Every single man and woman has the freedom to believe what they wish to believe. Indeed, after they come to their personal conclusion with their very own details and perspectives, they may freely debate against their opponents. However, students are still learning about society and politics. They are young and inexperienced which is why time and patience are required until they come to their resolution and join society as an adult. If teachers present their students with their conclusions on social and politic issues, there is a possibility that these students will follow the same belief and unable to create their own. In my own ethic classes, our professor has taught all the basic foundations of choosing a side. He taught us that man is free to choose and then he conveyed his own opinions about the world. Knowing how we had a choice to believe what we wanted, some of us claimed that they disagreed with the professor and the heated debate taught us many opinions and knowledge from both the professor's and student's side. After the debate, the professor clapped his hands and congratulated us for becoming young adults. Students are still budding saplings, unsure of what to believe but with time and teaching, they could grow on their own and choose their belief to stand up for.
On the other hand, if teachers are forced to present their ideals to students, a mass propaganda of prejudice will permeate through the juvenile generation. This should be avoided at all costs, since such atmosphere would equal to that of an autocrat country. A generation that believes in a single identical ideal is downright terrifying because it can completely alter the course of a country. History has proved that misused propaganda can result in severe adverse effects. The Nazi is the prime example of a biased organization that believed all Jews should be eradicated. This permeated ideal caused the dominance of other countries and even a world war, destroying the lives of innocent families and justice itself. Indeed, if teachers are able to express their own beliefs, these children could be influenced to view that ideal to be just and cleave to it with all their heart and result with a devastating propaganda. Personally, I was told to despise Japan for exploiting our country ruthlessly during the course of history. However, I chose not to believe such ideal because I have visited Japan before and the people and country weren't despicable as my teacher said. However, my peers who have never been to Japan all began to follow this ideal and as they grew up, the ideal conquered their minds. They are pure anti-Japanese who rebutted heavily on Japan. If this happens to a whole country, another war may break out and cause colossal casualties. Thus, teachers should not make their social and political views known to students in the classroom.
To summarize, teachers should not emphasize their views on social or political issues because students have their own freedom to choose what they wish to believe and a mass propaganda will be prevented.
Hi Kim, I caught just one sentence that I believe could be improved by the addition of one word:
there is a possibility that these students will follow the same belief and unable to create their own.
- ... and
be unable to create their own.
The essay is really very well written over all. It is hard to believe that you took only 30 minutes to write this essay. The insight that you have, based upon personal experiences, helps to boost the standard of your writing in many ways. First of all, the insight means that you have a direct connection with the prompt and you feel strongly about the discussion. Second, the fact that you presented and actual academic setting wherein you experienced being able to make your own decision more than supports the claims you made in the essay. Finally, you presented a discussion that, although it presents your personal opinion, allows the reader to come to his or her own conclusion as well based upon the arguments you presented.
I hope you won't mind my asking but, how do you have the 30 minutes writing time allotted in the practice tests? I might be able to give you some tips about how to better utilize the time. That is if you would want to hear about it :-)
Hey vangiespen, Thanks for your compliments!
I usually take 1-2 minutes making my outline, very simply. I read the topic and instantly choose a side. I often use one point for why I agree to the topic and one point for why I don't disagree (There is a difference in agreeing and not disagreeing). but if I happen to think of another complete different reason while I'm writing, then I go with that. But that rarely happens.
The introduction is the hardest part. I have to provide a hook which takes like 5 minutes. I'm horrible at writing hooks... It just seems awkward to me and I'm clumsy at it, but as they say, practice makes perfect. :D so I gotta keep trying.
The body is fairy simple, I take around 10 minutes and just state what I think and why I think and provide or create some examples to back me up.
the conclusion is the easiest since I often use a single sentence to wrap things up and since I don't have to apply new content, I take less than a minute to write the conclusion.
As you can see, I really don't have time for revision since I use like 27-28minutes to write my whole essay. But I would like to hear your style as well~
Kim, while there is a difference between agreeing and not disagreeing, a TOEFL essay is normally written from a comparison point of view of the opposing and supporting sides prior to presenting your personal opinion. When I write my essays, I always present an opposing side and then a supporting side prior to my personal point of view. My idea being that by weakening the side that I do not agree with, I strengthen my point of view and thus making the more winning argument. As for the way I divide my writing time, I do it in a way much different from yours.
I actually allow myself 5 minutes to develop my ideas for discussion. This includes considering a hook for the prompt. While it is difficult to always come up with an original hook, sometimes the hook already comes in the creative way that the thesis or prompt is presented. By making the question of the prompt sound more interesting to the reader, you can actually entice the him to read more about the topic. For example, I sometimes start my essay off with a question. An interesting question based upon the prompt before I present the prompt topic. It serves an effective lead in when you have the reader considering the question you just posed.
After that, I just write the basic ideas I want to discuss in sentence form. Just grouping together the related topics as I go along. This normally takes me about 10 minutes. These ideas will then form the foundation of the paragraph content. As I write the ideas down, I can already see which topics fit and which don't. I can also decide which parts will be harder to discuss within the remaining time so I can veto it at once. This gives me 10 more minutes to develop the paragraph forms since the basic ideas are already there in sentence or phrase format. I basically just connect the dots in that aspect, adding connecting sentences or transition sentences for the final form of the essay. Finally, I have 5 minutes remaining to review the content and spell check the paper.
I find that using that process helps me develop more coherent and well thought out essays. Of course the process may be confusing and useless to you but I thought you might want to consider some other writing styles that may help you develop a bigger pocket of time for reviewing your essay before submitting it :-)
Your diction was impressive! Your word choice was on point at all times.
At the beginning of the essay you stated that teachers should not provide their social and political views to students (which I agree with). However, in the second paragraph you shared a story that made the idea of teachers sharing their views sound like a good idea. I liked the story, but I think you should add a sentence or two before closing the paragraph that ties it in to support that students should decide what they believe completely alone.
I think you should summarize more in the last sentence/paragraph
In the first paragraph individual should be individuals
Overall great essay!
