Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Sir Ken Robinson in his public speech shared about how the schools kill children's creativity.


Ucha MSN 17 / 26 4  
Oct 27, 2016   #1
TED - School Kill Students' Creativity

Sir Ken Robinson in his public speech shared about how the schools kill children's creativity. One important thing to keep in our mind is creativity has essential part education as literacy. Therefore, all the students should be treated as same status. Robinson then argued that most of schools have determined the same statement about the range of school subjects. They put mathematic and language as the top position while students' talent such as in music and drama were in less portion. As a matter of fact, this is the reason why schools today do not develop their students' creativity.

Another factor that affect why teacher tend to force their student in science. This is because the point of view about entering university mostly required the highest of academic achievement. As the result, education system allows the students focus on it. So, their skill and ability in art tend to declining.

fauziyahtami 22 / 38 6  
Oct 27, 2016   #2
Hello,
Hope you doing well, lemme give you some suggestion

==> ... should be treated as (the) same status.
... that most of (the) schools have determined ...
==> Another factor that affect(s) why teacher tend(s) to force their ...
==> ... ability in art tend to declin(e)ing .

*you already explained the reason why schools can kill creativity clearly, better yet if you mention the comparison between the condition in this present time and in the past

*you can also mention the bad side of the death of creativity

you've done great
Good luck and keep writing :)
vinau 2 / 3  
Oct 27, 2016   #3
Hi Ucha,
I have some advice for you

One important thing that we have to keep in our mind (...) part of education as literacy.
... should be treated aswith the same status. Robinson then argued that most of ...

... affect why teacher tendtends to force their ...
... ability in art tend to decliningdecline.

Thank you
Hope it helps :)
alfa7 19 / 26 1  
Oct 27, 2016   #4
Hi Uca MSN , I want you to obtain some suggestion from me

here we go:

... about how the schools killing children's creativity. One of the important things to keep in our mind is creativity [you need some conjuction in here] has essential part ...

be careful about double verb
you should use noun clause of quantity if you want to say "one of the..."


Therefore, all of the students should be ...
As athe matter of fact, this is ...

ThisIt is because of the point of view ...

note: keep writing and go ahead.


Home / Writing Feedback / Sir Ken Robinson in his public speech shared about how the schools kill children's creativity.