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About the situation of the extinct languages - [IELTS task2]:


yoshieB 1 / -  
Nov 19, 2014   #1
please correct my English essay, written for task 2 in IELTS.
"Every year several language die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world"

thank you in advance.

In some parts of the world, several languages are disappearing in every year because of the lack of the usage or the other official language taking place the languages. This situation can be said as the extinction of the languages. Like any extinct animals, some people would think that it is a great sadness of losing languages which used to be vividly alive in some regions, and regret not to stop losing the population.

However, there is an optimistic opinion about this situation. This group states that it seems to be rational in the world with fewer languages rather than with many languages. There are two reasons to support this idea.

One of the reasons why the world is a better place with fewer language is because you do not have to study foreign languages. If your mother language is not the international languages, you have to spend lots of time to master them. In contrary, if your mother language is the international languages, you can spend more time in studying other things, such as mathematics, physics, and chemistry, etc. You would be more competent with the other academic subjects.

The second reason is that you can immediately communicate with others in the whole of the world. For example, for English speakers, it is not difficult to travel all around the world because, today, English is the international language, and they can enjoy their journey without any difficulties in communication with the local service or the travelers from the other nations. But for non English speakers, there are always some sorts of stress in negotiations or asking questions during their trips. You can not perfectly enjoy your journey.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that it is better to have a few languages in the world, and people do not have to worry about the situation of the extinction of the languages every year.

Modewap 16 / 70 13  
Nov 19, 2014   #2
Read through, you will see my addition--->In some parts of the world, several languages are going into extinction every year due to lack of the usage by the native users as other official or adopted languages are surfacing.----->''I think you should explain this part, as couldn't got a clearer view''-- This situation can be said as the extinction of the languages. Like any extinct animals, some people would think that it is a great sadness of losing languages which used to be vividly alive in some regions, and regret not to stop losing the population. However, there is an optimistic opinion about this situation. This group states that it seems to be rational in the world with fewer languages rather than with many languages. There are two reasons to support this idea. One of the reasons why the world is a better place with fewer language is because you do not have to study foreign languages.---''

If your mother language is not international language you spend more time learning it. In contrary, if your mother language is the international languages, you can spend more time in studying other things. You would be more competent with other things rather than learning language.

----remove second reason ---
communication is made easy with international language as one can easily communicate among people that adopt the language all over of the world.
For example, for English speakers, it is not difficult to travel all around the world, as English is an international language, that is largely spoken among many people, it help traveler to enjoy their journey without any difficulties in communication with the local service and make them fit into the society perfectly. But for non English speakers, there will always be some sorts of stress in negotiations or asking questions during their trips.

----> add more words to this paragraph--
In conclusion, I strongly believe that it is better to have a few languages in the world, and people do not have to worry about the situation of the extinction of the languages every year.

Generally your ideas are good, but you need to brush everything together.

I hope others add their contribution. :)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Nov 22, 2014   #3
Like any extinct animals,

I know that you try to use comparison language here. However, you failed to present what the prompt is asking you. A closer look at the prompt asks you to cogitate about why some languages die out. If I were you, then I simply reword the question retrieved from the prompt, so as to stay focus on the topic.

However, there is an optimistic opinion about this situation. This group states that it seems to be rational in the world with fewer languages rather than with many languages. There are two reasons to support this idea.

This group of sentences adds no value. When it comes to a paragraph, you need to construct at least one topic, one supporting detail which can be taken from scientific fact and a small conclusion to recall and emphasize the point of view from the topic.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that it is better to have a few languages in the world, and people do not have to worry about the situation of the extinction of the languages every year.

You need to rewrite this conclusion, as it doesn't represent your claim (read: thesis statement). I suggest that you simply paraphrase the thesis, and if you could, then add your recommendation, hopes or fears prior to ending your concluding paragraph.

Thanks.


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