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The skills that we can improve from Facebook


Fia0910 3 / 12 1  
Dec 17, 2015   #1
this is my other essay, please help me to correct my essay

English is one of many languages in the world. English is very important because English is already become an international language. Because of it all of countries as English lesson which have to learn. There are many ways to learn English, for example from Facebook. Facebook is believed can help to improve the English skills of English second learner. There are three skills that we can improve from Facebook.

Facebook can improve writing skills. Facebook is one of media social where the users can connect with other people in the world. From Facebook we can improve our skills by chatting and make a group of learning English. The skills that we can improve is writing skills, because by chatting with other users, especially the foreign users that use English language, we can discuss about something or share our story with them and of course we will use English to talk with them. By make a group of learning English we can also improve our writing skills, because from group we can share information or get new information. In group we can discuss about our work and let the other users to correct our grammar or give a feedback to us, so we can learn about our weaknesses. In group we also find the others work, we can try to help them.

Facebook can improve comprehension skills. From Facebook we will find many fanpages which is we can like to get information from it. Fanpage we can improve our comprehension skills, because from them we can read a information that they share in fanpage, however they just give a link and caption it make us curious to click the link and read, so it is helpful for us to improve our comprehension skills, and also it helpful to increase our vocabulary.

Finally, Facebook can improve speaking skills. From Facebook we can improve our speaking skills by using video call. From video call we can talk our foreign users, it can helpful to improve our speaking skills, because we can learn how to say something without dictionary and try to think fast.

From those, we can use Facebook as a media of study. As we know that Facebook is very familiar to people in the world. We can get the benefits of Facebook to improve our skills of English.

pallavithakur 2 / 7 3  
Dec 17, 2015   #2
Hello,

Can you confirm the question ? Is it about English or Facebook?
OP Fia0910 3 / 12 1  
Dec 17, 2015   #3
it is about media social can improve our English
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Dec 17, 2015   #4
Kurnia, Pallavi brought up a good point. When I first read your essay, I thought you were going to talk about the English language and its importance in our global world. So when you mentioned Facebook towards the end, I did not really get the connection at first. That is the only negative aspect of your essay. The rest of the essay, in support of your stand on the prompt, actually makes a lot of sense.

I would advice you to learn how to write a better introduction though. Make sure that you present the proper prompt summary or restatement in the introduction so that the reader will actually know what you will be discussing in the essay. If I were the one to have written the introduction to this essay, I would have worded it in the following manner:

English is the most important language in the world. Known as the universal language, it is often said that even if you don't speak the native language of a foreign country, it does not pose a problem because people will always know how to speak English there, no matter how limited their use of the language is. Now, because not all of the countries in the world admit to being able to speak in English, it is important to remember that these people still want to learn how to speak, read, and write in the language. While generations past would enroll in decades of English classes and even go so far as to live in America or Britain to learn the proper use of the language, that is no longer necessary these days. All people have to do to better learn how to speak, write, and read in English is use social media. Facebook, is actually one of the social media sites that encourages the use of English for member interaction is a perfect example of how social media can help people improve their English language skills.

The important part of the introduction is that you prove that you understand the prompt and that you can present preliminary evidence to support your idea within the rest of the essay. I hope I was able to clearly show that to you in my example :-)
OP Fia0910 3 / 12 1  
Dec 18, 2015   #5
ahh sorry,
how about this

Facebook is one of media social where the users can connect with other people in the world. They use Facebook because it is not only for connecting with other people, but also can be a media of learning English. Facebook can help to improve the English skills of English second learner. There are three skills that we can improve from Facebook.
Furkan 3 / 4 1  
Dec 18, 2015   #6
As i see you have repeated 'English' many times , it is better to prefer pronoun instead of repetition.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Dec 18, 2015   #7
Not a bad revision Kurnia. However, it can be better. Let me clean up the grammar for you below:

Facebook is one of THE media social MEDIA CHANNELS where the users can connect with other people in the world. They use Facebook because it is not only for ALLOWS PEOPLE TO CONNECT WITH OTHERS connecting with other people , but IT also can be a media of MEDIUM FOR learning English. Facebook can help to improve the English skills of English second LANGUAGE learnerS. There are three skills that we ESL LEARNERS can improve from BY USING Facebook.

Your intention and message is actually detectable in your introduction. However, it is not presented in an easy to understand manner. If you follow the revisions I made above in your paragraph, you will find that the meaning becomes clearer and the restated prompt comes across as far improved as well. Always aim for clarity of the restated prompt and your opinion in any essay that you write :-)
OP Fia0910 3 / 12 1  
Dec 19, 2015   #8
thanks vangiespen


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