Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly.
Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
Skills of any individual cannot be observed by their appearance. Many companies believe that quality of an employee can be distinguished by the knowledge and skills of their work. Whereas some institutions recommend dressing up smartly can have a good impact on others. In my opinion, quality of workers represent their skills and desire toward the corporation than the dressing sense of an individual.
Firstly, well-dressed employee can bring the discipline paradigm in the firm but it's unnecessary. To be dressed accordingly to their need can create an enjoyable, and hence convenient environment to perform their jobs at their bests. Moreover, it leaves a good impact and hence, inspire workers to prove their mantle on everyday job rather than focusing on being dressed smartly. Secondly, employee showing quality work and applying the skills on the job can bring the organisation to its highest growing pace rather than maintaining a good life-style in the staff can do. For example, a startup company generally focuses on the quality, skills and desire of an individual which could further helps the firm to achieve maximum of its achievement in the rising time.
On the other hand, discipline and life-style plays a vital role in the growth and healthy environment in the firm. But, it is not the only thing that could lead any organisation to its highest point. Although, companies should reward the employees on weekly basis for their performance as well as maintaining a discipline and good lifestyle in the corporation.
In conclusion, an appearance of the employees is prominent for their job-career if the skills are considered as the most useful to boost the performance of the organisation.
You have a lot of grammar mistakes. I will list them here:
Many companies believe that quality, In my opinion, quality: You are missing "the" before quality in both of them.
of workers represents
Firstly, the well-dressed employee
firm but it's unnecessary: there is a comma after "firm"
create an enjoyable, and: no comma between enjoyable and "and"
hence convenient: using hence is inappropriate. you can use "so"
the everyday job
Secondly, an employee
could further help
s the firm
Focus on your grammar. If you do, your essay will be better.
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Piyush, the presentation of the word from your essay; "startup" should be done in 2 hyphenated words to connote a singular meaning for 2 words. In this case "start" means to begin and "up" means to "build upon", making the word mean "start to build". Please familiarize yourself with hyphenated words to ensure that the correct meaning is presented at all times.
"But" cannot be used to start a sentence as that is a conjunction used to explain an alternative idea in relation to an already mentioned phrase. It is a connecting word to create a seamless connection between two different discussion points in one sentence and is always used with a comma after the word.
There is a subject-verb disagreement in the presentation of the phrase "quality of workers represent their skills ". Please note that the words "workers" and "skills" are both in plural form and as such "represent" should be in the plural form "represents" as well.
Since you are writing in an academic format, you cannot use conjunctions in your presentations. Always present these words, such as "it's" in the formal language which is "it is".
Now, that we have your grammar issues out of the way, I want to focus on the discussion instruction for the essay. This is a 5 paragraph essay because there are 3 reasoning paragraphs required in the form of:
- Public POV 1 ( Some organizations)
- Public POV 2 (Others value)
- Personal POV (Own Opinion)
Throughout this essay, you have made it clear that you did not follow the prompt discussion requirement which was: Discuss both points of view and give your opinion. What you did was just discuss your personal point of view right from the opening paraphrase. Therefore, your TA score will be lowered due to the lack of required discussion points and also, lack of minimum word count due to the missing discussion points. As such, your essay will only be scored for the personal point of view aspect which, owing to the other errors in your work, will not merit a passing score. Next time, make sure you follow the prompt instructions to the letter. Do not choose which part you will respond to, respond to all required elements or risk failing the test.
Thankyou for the feedback. I will work on my grammar.