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SLIPPERS OF FATHER


autumnwave 11 / 35  
Dec 6, 2009   #1
This is the paragraph which I wrote about my dear father. Please read it and help me improve English writing skill by your comments

Slippers of my father

Before bringing my father to rest for ever and ever, clergyman asked my relative burning all of slippers of my father. All of sudden, seeing slippers of father falling down to the fire, I sobbed one more time from a certain person wearing me a mourning headband . Within these of slippers, all was a crack in front of head and full fill mud stain.

When I became mature, my neighbor told me that my father loved books and school very much. But his dream couldn't accomplish due to war. Moreover, my uncle died at young age, my grandma felt agony. She urged my father should get marriage because she had only father as unique son. My father had no way to refuse. He obeyed his mom to please her. From that time, he said goodbye with books to step down in the rice field.

My father always worked hard in the rice field. When coming back home, he often leaned on the front column of my house to gasp. My father's clothes was wet with sweats as if he had no time to wipe them after talking bath. My family was a little of poor therefore he had to save to bring up my brothers and me. He ate a little and let us to have more.

When we entered University, my father was too economical to refuse buying slippers for him. He recycled slippers from two my brothers. There was a time, my mother asked me buying my eldest brother a pair of shoes. But he refused to wear them because they were out up date. For this reason, my father had the pair of new shoes to attend parties.

The last time, my father took me to bus station to catch bus coming to University, his motorbike broke down by chance in a half way. He tried to start it a gain but in vain. He told me to walk for the bus station unless I would be late. I said goodbye to him and went for walk forward bus stop. At a moment later, I saw the brother of my old friend, he took me to the bus stop. I turned back to my father and saw my father on home way bring his motorbike with his hands under the sun burnt down fiercely.

Soon after my father slept forever although I tried to get up him again and again. I wished that all I had happened were only dream but he were stroke and never came back the real world. He departed from this life in silence because he didn't want everybody to worry about him so much.

Amongst clarinet and drum in funeral, I sat motionless by his casket and saw silence his slippers turned into the smoke going with him. These of slippers were companies suffering all miserable of his life. They also were fulcrum for my father had enough strength to bring us coming to Universities.

When I gradated from Social Sciences and Humanities, I began to go for work and I saved to buy a new shoes for my father. My father try wearing them. And they were a little big for his feet. I told my father I should carry it to change smaller size but he told that "Not change. Both of them were fitting on your eldest brother"...

Even it's the last time in his life, he left the best thing for his offspring.
yvette 3 / 10  
Dec 7, 2009   #2
But his dream couldn't be accomplish due to war
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 7, 2009   #3
Within these of slippers, all was a crack in front of head and full fill mud stain.---> With this sentence, I don't know quite what you mean. Can you say it a different way?

Moreover, my uncle died at young age, and my grandma felt agony. She urged my father to get married , because she had only father as unique son. My father had no way to refuse. He obeyed his mom to please her. From that time, he said goodbye with books to step down into the rice field.

My father always worked hard in the rice field. When coming back home, he often leaned on the front column of my house to gasp for ai r. My father's clothes were wet with sweat as if he had no time to dry them after talking bath. My family was a little poor; therefore he had to save money in order to support my brothers and me. He often ate a little and let us to have more.

Wow, this is a powerful essay. I'm glad this excellent man has a daughter who can honor his life through this essay. I think consciousness continues to have experiences even after the body dies.
OP autumnwave 11 / 35  
Dec 7, 2009   #4
Thank you for your help, Mr Kevin!
I appreciate your kindness. And I will revise these sentences which you comment on.

One more time, thank you very much!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 9, 2009   #5
You are welcome, and thanks for the 16 times you have helped other people here at EssayForum.
Hadiqa 1 / 7  
Dec 14, 2009   #6
When we entered University, my father was tooremained economical andto refusedto buying slippers for himmy brother/me/us? . He recycled slippers from two my brothers from himThe slippers were passed down to my brothers from him . There was a time, when my mother asked memy fatherto buyingmy eldest brother a pair of shoes. But hemy brother refused to wear them because they were out upof date. For this reason, my father hadbought himthea pair of new shoes to attend parties.

I have edited only one paragraph due to time constraints. I hope this would help.
OP autumnwave 11 / 35  
Dec 14, 2009   #7
thank you for your help
Jeannie 10 / 214  
Dec 16, 2009   #8
Before bringing my father to rest for ever and ever, clergyman asked my relative burning all of slippers of my father. All of sudden, seeing slippers of father falling down to the fire, I sobbed one more time from a certain person wearing me a mourning headband . Within these of slippers, all was a crack in front of head and full fill mud stain.

This is difficult to understand, Ba. Were your father's shoes burned in the funeral ritual to make sure he couldn't walk this earth after death; to be sure he was able to walk to "heaven"? I am curious about the symbolism.

"Within these of slippers, all was a crack in front of head and full fill mud stain." This sounds like you are saying that the mourning band felt too tight around your head, and the pain in your head, combined with the loss of your father and watching his shoes burn (the last of him - finality) made you feel faint...

Haha! My imagination is no doubt getting the best of me. Can you explain what the first part means?

Blue skies! (that means I hope your days are easy and filled with happiness and sunshine)

Jeannie
OP autumnwave 11 / 35  
Dec 16, 2009   #9
Your comment make me laugh a lot because I write badly therefore you couldn't understand what I mean. The first paragraph I want to say that I feel very very sad before people bury my father. Especially, I love my father more than ever when seeing his slippers burnt in the funeral. All slippers of my father were almost broken down (being worn in the front). From part, they were still stained with swamp as if my father has just been the rice field.

In short, through describing my father's slippers, I want to emphasis on his sacrifice and all what he brought to me.

I also write this essay by Vietnamese and my friends said it is so moved to tear but it's difficult to turn into English perfectly. Please help me revise it better, Jeannie. Thank you in advance!

Blue skies !
Jeannie 10 / 214  
Dec 16, 2009   #10
Well why didn't you say so?! <haha> Your writing is filled with beautiful imagery regardless of the fact that it is not perfect English; it touches the soul.

You are getting better every day, just slow down a little when you translate to English. Your stories are a pleasure to read!

I still do not understand the part about mud-filled cracks in your head. tee-hee! :D
OP autumnwave 11 / 35  
Dec 16, 2009   #11
Thank you Jeannie,
I didn't write the slippers of my father as I write to you, because I think using many compound nouns making my essay better but... it's disappointed because it got worse than I image

I will post a new my essay. It call "the handkerchief" I have just written. I hope you will read it and help me as the many times you did.

Have a good time!


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