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IELTS TASK 2 : a small or bigger community - solidarity, mutual attention vs more privacy?

pertiwi02 11 / 8 4  
Jan 5, 2016   #1
In the past, most people lived in small villagers where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area. What do you think were the disadvantages and disadvantages of living in a small community?

It is true that more dwellers of rural area in the past tend to know each other, while at the present time the reverse is showed by the majority of people in large cities. While I believe this idea brings merit such as a great solidarity, I would argue that this also has drawback such as declining of privacy level

One of the benefits to living in a small village is a great solidarity. This solidarity causes them to care and know each other. It is more likely become a habit and moral obligation. Take one example, if they look their neighbor extremely busy, most people usually visit to give their help though that neighbor does not ask for helping hand. In contrast, they can feel ashamed if they do not come to give their contribution. This reflects the high solidarity fellow community.

On the other hand, urban neighborhood always meets every day and talks about something interesting especially the households when they want to buy some foods. The issue will widespread to all parts of the region despite negative issues as soon as possible. For example, one of its citizens decided to polygamy with other women. All of dwellers will know about this news because of they tell each other. Sometimes, most of them act negative thinking to that person. This indicates that privacy levels decrease in urban community.

All in all, good manners and friendly attitudes which are showed by urban population make people pleasurable for living in a small village. However, people cannot keep their secrecy to other people. All of privacy equal with public secret.

longguyen 1 / 1  
Jan 5, 2016   #2
this paragraph is very good. but i just think. you need give several benefits more than one. you need have a introduce paragraph which hooks someone up you paragraph. when i read through you paragraph. i only just read the first sentence. i can comprehend all contexts
brayan1996 17 / 35 5  
Jan 5, 2016   #3
Hi @pertiwi02,

I am in complete agreement with @longguyen. I think that you should strive to make this response more insightful by luring your reader with a question or "catchy hook." Try posting a question that both relates to the topic at hand and captures attention.

Also, this response does not seem complete as I am struggling to figure out some ideas you have written down. However, you have part of the argument. Simply, try tightening it up a little bit more.

Brayan F.

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