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IELTS writing task 2: Small families


danny0919 1 / -  
Sep 7, 2020   #1
In many countries today, people in cities either live alone or in small family units, rather than in large, extended family groups.

Is this a positive or negative trend?



Unlike people who lived in large, extended family groups in the early times, more and more people in cities nowadays seem to live on their own. While living alone might be more comfortable and cozier, I believe this is a negative development that can lead to depression, potentially harmful situations and also problems later on in life.

One serious problem that can arise from people living alone is that it can lead to inconvenience. Perhaps one might encounter a traffic accident and break legs or arms unluckily, under these kinds of circumstances it would cause numerous inconveniences if none of your family were at your side to help with your daily life. As for people living in small family units, if provided that both parents are busy at work and have no time to take care of their infant, they would have to pay money to hire a nanny, resulting in increasing extra burden on the family's expenses.

Another issue is that the problem of isolation might become even more severe if you live solely. Since human beings are social animals, having others' company is essential for our daily lives. Take myself for instance, I rented my own place and lived alone in my last year of college. At first, I thought that it would be more comfortable for me since I did not need to care about other roommates anymore while living in the campus dormitory, and I could do everything I like at any time I wished. Nevertheless, after one month, I found myself having difficulties in tolerating no one to talk with or to share expressions, feeling so depressed and gloomy all day.

In conclusion, although it could be more convenient for people to live alone, it might result in other problems for this to be considered a positive trend.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,317 2867  
Sep 7, 2020   #2
The opening paraphrase turned into a run-on sentence. The second sentence contains 2 different thoughts. That means the first part about your belief that this is a negative development should have been a single sentence, with the reasons stated as a final sentence in the presentation.

You should have been more specific in the outline topic section. It would have been best for your reasoning paragraphs if you had just mentioned potentially harmful situations and depression in relation to isolation. The reference to inconvenience was really the weakest and least believable point of this essay. It is the most under developed presentation which would pull down, rather than increase your score.

The conclusion is improperly formatted. This cannot be a single sentence presentation as you are expected to restate:
- The topic
- Your opinion
- The 2 reasons
- A closing sentence

All of which combine to create a solid reverse paraphrase and concluding recap for the presentation.


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