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Writing Task 2. Small Village and City Center

Ummu 4 / 6 2  
Oct 12, 2017   #1
In the past, most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else.
Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area.
What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of living in small community?

people still prefer to live in urban area

Just a few time ago, inhabitant live in the remote area who can be easy to socialize each other. this time, as a growing of population, dweller live in city center who is hard to know each other. this essay will explain merit and demerit by staying in a small clan.

Most people believe that the social condition in the hutment is more delicate which is related to the atmosphere that where many denizen believe it is more quite and calm. Even farther it is affected to the social environment. For instance, in the rural we still can enjoy fresh air without any pollution. As a result, some people hard to leave their place because it's comfortably for them

However, it doesn't mean that live in the burg is always good, the infrastructure in the rural still not build good yet and the impact, it is hard if something bad happen for example the facilities of the medical still lack, however dweller should go to the city center to get better cure. It is also applied for the education system which is many teenager prefer to continue their study in the town. We can not denied that city give more good community service.

To sum up, it is evident that there are several good reason why people still prefer to live in urban while there are also several bad thing of it. In my opinion people are free to choose whenever they want to live as long as they can adjust the condition.

AliminHamzah 6 / 9 4  
Oct 12, 2017   #2
Hi Ummu, glad to read your essay that tell about small village and city center. You have written more than 250 words and your idea about it is good. But you have some mistake. The first, each paragraph you have to write 3 sentence actually, the next in several sentence you use grammatical error for example We can not denied that city give more good community service.. Rewrite and pay attention with your grammar. The last, to closing your essay you ought to give suggestion that relate your essay so the problem will be solved.

I hope it help.
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,853 2637  
Oct 12, 2017   #3
Ummu, there are a number of problems with your essay ranging from inaccurate prompt paraphrasing, lexical mistakes and grammar development presentations. Your desire to write the perfect essay is evident in the work but unfortunately, it falls short of the requirements and expectations for this sort of essay. I guess I have to walk you through this problem so let's get started.

In terms of the opening paraphrase, you were way off base in your presentation because you were too focused on using as many complex English terms as you could rather than developing a proper presentation for your thoughts and reasoning. Let's see now, the correct prompt restatement would have been:

These days, people prefer to live in urban areas rather than a small community. It seems that they prefer to live in places where they do not really know their neighbors when compared to those living in a small community. In this essay, I shall present a discussion regarding the advantages and disadvantages of living in the small residential areas.

The opening paraphrase should be just that, a restatement of the prompt in your own understanding, which is what I presented above. I trust that you understand how to paraphrase because you had a pretty decent attempt at doing it in this essay. Please remember that there are certain keywords that need to be used in the opening statement, such as "advantage" and "disadvantage" in order to show that you understood the discussion requirements properly.

You use some pretty impressive English words in this essay such as "hutment" and "burg". These are really old English / ancient English words that are not commonly used these days. Which tells me that you researched these words before using them in the essay. These are not part of your regular English vocabulary. You were out to get an unreasonably high score in the LR portion of your test. Unfortunately, this will backfire on you in the actual test because you won't have time to research impressive sounding words. Just speak naturally and used words that you are familiar with. It is best to be scored on the level for information you truly know rather than information that you researched.

Finally, please make sure to double check for your punctuation placements. There were a few instances when you did not place a period at the end of a sentence leading into a new paragraph. That creates a hanging sentence which would affect your GRA score. Also, you need to provide at least 3 sentences in order to create an acceptable, minimum paragraph. You will lose points for writing less sentences as well. Just don't go over 5 sentences and your score will be acceptable in that area.

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