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Smart phones prohibition among kids

Some parents forbid young children from owning smart phones (cell phones with Internet access), while others disagree and believe that they are important tools for keeping in touch. Which point of view do you think is better, and why?

cell phones with internet access have bad effects on children

Children are considered to be the ones whom parent look after more. Because of that, some permit them to use technology tools such as mobile phones, while others do not. In my opinion, I beleive that parent must forbid their children from using smart phones. I feel this way for two main reasons which I will elaborate in the next paragraphs.

First of all, allowing kids to use internet connected phones make them failing.
The young children who use the internet a lot, such as social media and and watching videos, distracts them from studying. For instance, I have a young cousin who has the access the web, keep on chatting and visiting games websites all the time. He forgets about solving his homeworks and leaves them away. In addition he alaways gives unjustifed excuses to his teacher all the time. Consequently at the end of the trimester, a failing grade is the outcome.So internet access really harms the acadamic success for the youngs.

Secondly, letting children have a smartphone might have a misrable outcomes. That is, free access leading them to talk with strange people who could hurt them. Children could be deceived in one way or another, that put them in a critical situation such being a hostage. I myself have my friend's brother, who went through a similar situation. despite the fact that his parent pretend to track his internet activity, it was not enough. The child had a connection with a person who seems to be a good one, but he was hiding a bad to trade him. As a result, the person succeeded in his plan by telling him to meet up outside, and having him as a hostage. Hence, his parents paid a huge amount of money to take him back. for this reason, i strongly urge parents to prevent their kids from using the smartphones.

All in all, I think that the right thing to do is to stop children from using smartphones.this is because of the fact that cell phone with internet access has more bad effects on the cildren's life.

Mar 19, 2017   #2
Abdullah, your opening statement is lacking in the sense that you should include a presentation of the 3 general reasons that you believe this opinion of yours to be the correct point of view for the issue being discussed. When you write this opening statement, it must not only contain a restated prompt, but clearly include your opinion, supported by the general reasons that support it. The discussions of the reasons should follow, in chronological order, within the next body of paragraphs. These would be paragraphs 2,3, and 4 with paragraph 5 being your concluding statement. In order to make your closing statement more effective, you should restate the topic being discussed, your opinion, and the general reasons that support your belief yet again. It serves as a reminder of the whole point of the essay for the reader.

Your essay is also riddled with wrong spelling either because you do not know how to spell the word (in which case you should replace the word with a similar term that you know how to spell) or because you were just careless. Either way, the misspelled words result in point deductions, along with your improper sentence developments that tend to confuse the reader. Based upon these criteria, I think that your essay will only gain a score of 3 at the most.
Thanks , i will work more on the intro and the conclusion, putting the general reasons, and so on, i expected it to be unappropriate,
one question, is it better to have 3 paragraphs rather than 2 in the body?
Mar 19, 2017   #4
A proper academic essay is composed of 5 parts. That description for these paragraphs are the introduction, 3 body of paragraphs, and the conclusion. It is a must to have 3 body of paragraphs because the whole discussion point of the essay, the actual prompt requirement instruction, is developed and discussed within the body of the paragraph. Not within the introduction or the conclusion. If you want to score well in the essay, you need to develop your body of paragraph. This will prove your English comprehension skills along with your English grammar / sentence structure capabilities. The more you write, provided it is easily understood in English, in support of your essay, the better the score could be. That is why exam takers are encouraged to write a maximum of 5 sentences per paragraph, within a 5 paragraph essay.

FYI, this is your second and last free advice for this thread.

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