Smartphone today - how to live without them?

Most people say that life without smartphones today would be impossible. However, a minority argue that the word would be better if it were smartphone - free. What is your opinion?

better world without smartphones?

The twenty first century is known as the technological era, humankind is dominated by high technology. That said, anywhere at any time of the day, you can see the state - of - the - art devices, particularly smartphones. A great number of people argue that without smartphones, it is difficult to people to survive. However, many argue that our life will be no longer hustle and bustle anymore if we do not use smartphones.

One the one hand, smartphone has numerous benefits. Compare to the first generation of telephones which are bulky and have little function, mobile phones now are more tricky and compact, so you can bring them anywhere you like. Not only do they use to text messages or make phone calls, but they also alike laptops that can access the network, download information. What is more, thanks to would - be phones, people acquire new skills or update latest news. Taking picture is no longer need a camera because today you have smartphone having a function to do that. The quality of pictures is in no way interior to one's camera.

On the other hand, some who continue to suggest otherwise, arguing the world would be better if it were smartphone - free. Living without the, we are become cooler person, when we hang out with friends, for example, we interact more and do not focus on phones which give rise to a stable friendship. Being phone - free, more time do you relax, much stress will you decrease. No e - mails, no phone calls, no messages, that means there will no pressure.

In conclusion, like everything else, Smartphones also have merits and demerits. But I'm in favor of using smartphones to make our life better and more modern. And of course, you must using it effectively to make positive use of such advanced technology.

Nguyen, you missed out on representing the most important aspect of the prompt. That is, the part of the prompt that asks for your opinion on the topic. Your personal opinion is (required) to be presented as part of the opening statement, along with the paraphrased prompt. Without a significant ownership of the opinion to be presented in the essay, the reader, will not be aware of the type of essay that you have written for his review. The concluding paragraph is flawed because you started a sentence with the word "And" which is actually a connecting word. So without a prior thought to connect to the sentence, you have a grammatically inaccurate sentence in that paragraph. Though your line of reasoning is good and is representative of the prompt requirements, the fact that you made some serious errors at the start and end of the essay has left me with the opinion that your score in this case will fall somewhere between a 4 or 5, based upon the more detailed requirements of the examiner.

@Hoanglong
Let me give you some feedback..

You should present a clear position and give your personal opinion in the first paragraph
Living without them
we are will become cooler person It will better if you use future form in this sentence
more time do you feel relaxation (double verb)
No e - mails, no phone calls, no and messages (redundant)

@hoanglong
I have red your essay, and I think it is not arranged coherently, there is no logical relationship between idea. It is better to use cohevise devices. And then, you should emphasize your position since your thesis statement is unclear, and pay attention with spelling.

Hi, Nguyen.

I recommend taking the idea of your last paragraph to the top. You can use it to make a statement of your opinion. For example:

Some people say the world will be better without smartphones, but I think using smartphones will make our life better and more modern. Using this advance technology effectively can give us benefits.

Then you can list the benefits according to you, and elaborate them in paragraphs. One idea per paragraph.
For example, you've mentioned that "people acquire new skills" with smartphones. You can use this as the main idea for paragraph two. Explain by mentioning how exactly does smartphones help people get new skills. For example, smartphones have English vocabulary game application that people can use to improve their vocabulary.

Write the main idea for each paragraphs first. Make sure each idea and its details support your main statement (using smartphones will make our life better and more modern).

Good luck!