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IELTS writing task 2: Smoking restriction in public places


NguyenPhuoc 4 / 7 3  
Sep 7, 2020   #1

smoking in public should be forbidden



Some countries today have passed laws against smoking tobacco in public buildings such as offices and restaurants. Other countries have no intention of doing this. Consider the possible arguments on both sides of this debate and reach your own conclusion on which side you favor.

Smoking cigarette is well-known for is harmful effects not only on direct smokers but also passive smokers around him. Many countries have forbidden smoking in public places while others do not tend to follow. This essay will go through some reasons for both sides.

On the one hand, supporters of smoking restriction in public places point out some of the positive effects of the law which are improve physical health of other people who do not smoke. Evidence from many statistics show that most of the victims of lung diseases caused by tobacco are passive smokers. These people are range from children to pregnant women. In addition, they claim that smoking in public can hugely impact the awareness of children. Children can use these negative images as their role models to imitate and become addicted to smoking.

On the other hand, authorities in other countries believes that smoking is not noticeable problem in their countries since they do not produce cigarette and the sources of tobacco are from abroad which boosts the price much higher than the places of production, making their people to consider carefully before purchasing a cigarette. Moreover, to some countries, the benefit coming from the sales of cigarette make up most of the state budget. Take Cuba for example, this country has been globally famous for their cigarette and exported their product to many other countries. Forbidding their people to smoke means destroying their economy and admitting that they are producing a toxic kind of goods.

To conclude, admittedly, tobacco plays an important role in some countries. Nevertheless, they should accept the truth that it is very harmful to social health. Even if they can make profits from selling tobacco, the money they gain will be invested in healthcare and the passive smokers are the only ones that suffer from the illness while they do not smoke. That is why smoking in public should be forbidden.

(320 words)

twinkle_star 2 / 5 3  
Sep 7, 2020   #2
Smoking cigarettesis well-known for is itsharmful effects ... smokers around him them.

... law which are to improve ... Evidence from many statistics show that most of ... this is actually not true most of the victims of lung diseases is due to direct smoking.

imitate and can become ...

... countries believes that smoking is not a noticeable ... produce cigarettes . ... sales of cigarettes make up most of the state budgetare u sure? sales from cigarettes cannot contribute towards most of the state budget.

Your flow of essay is good with some nice range of vocabulary and strong ideas. Cigarette is a countable noun and cannot stand alone without a either place a before cigarette or write it in its plural form. If you are writing for ielts i think don't leave your stand/opinion for the very end. Some inaccuracies in terms of facts.
Hieu ngyen 1 / 2  
Sep 8, 2020   #3
You can change ON THE OTHER HAND -> Otherwise or on the flip side
You write a pretty good essay
Ann Lee 2 / 3  
Sep 13, 2020   #4
I have something to comment on your conclusion.
"Even if they can ... they do not smoke" - This sentence is really confusing. I don't see any point in talking about how money making from selling tobacco are invested. Since your opening sentence stated that both direct smokers and passive smokers had adverse effects from smoking, the ending should go with that idea rather than stating "passive smokers are the only ones that suffer...". I think this sentence is too emotional and not suitable in an academic context.

Also, your conclusion contained too many short sentences. You should cut to 2-3 sentences including summarize your ideas from the first and second body paragraph and your opinion.

Hope this might help.


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