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Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups.

Debbie0123 1 / -  
Aug 30, 2019   #1

social media can be harmful to individuals

It is true that emerge of social media not only has changed our lifestyle entirely in a different way but it also started to have a huge impact on everybody, despite the difference in the age range. To a certain extent, I would agree that the advancement of technology makes our daily life easier. However, overuse of social media, especially displaying too much personal information on it has numerous negative sides.

First of all, posting private information on the website puts you in dangerous situations, such as being stalked, getting abducted or losing cybersecurity. These situations occur since some people use social media inappropriately. They take to advance and use other's personal information to harm them. For instance, the number of women who got kidnapped or got attacked has increased. They share their thoughts on social media, their location, and their activity. This act gives other people free access to monitor their personal information. Such attacks can be decreased if an individual is not posting about personal information on social media sites.

Secondly, overusing social media affects on individuals self-esteem. To illustrate, people use Instagram for different purposes. Some of them advertise products, some of them shows only glamorous things to gain fame and earn money. So, seeing these fictitious and alluring posts, people tend to automatically compare themselves with other people and get disappointed in their own life. What we see on social media is not always true. So, in order not to get influenced by these pseudo-news, individuals need to analyze what they perceive.

To conclude, posting personal data on social media sites can be dangerous and harmful to individuals. Therefore, the disadvantages of social media outweigh advantages.
TriceLiu 11 / 25 18  
Sep 4, 2019   #2
Hi there!

Your introduction paragraph is well-structured. You expressed your opinion on the issue after mentioning the emergence of social media. However, here are a few suggestions:

1. Avoid redundancy:
... changed our lifestyle entirely in a different way
"Change our lifestyle" and "in a different way" bear very similar meanings, so one of them should be deleted. If you intended to stress the extent to which social media has changed people's life, you can rewrite the sentence into "Social media has revolutionised people's lifestyle".

2. Consistency between Introduction Paragraph and supporting paragraphs.
You have brilliantly raised two harms of social media. But only one was mentioned in the introduction. The essay would be more clear if you briefly mention the second harm.

I hope this could be of help. Best of luck in your future writings! :)
roswita116 16 / 37 17  
Sep 4, 2019   #3
Hi there.

I think I can give you some writing suggestions about your conclusion.😊😊
It would be better to write a conclusion like below.

To conclude + restate your opinion (I strongly believe...) + restate 2 reason (because...)

This is what I usually do when I am writing the conclusion.

I hope this could be help. Best of luck in your future writings.😊😊

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