HELP!! I, a freshman for AW need your help for my essay.
Thanks a lot!
题目：ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
Under many circumstances, the positive and negative influence of improving the socialization level of children is much concerned to a point where a wide discussion has been aroused. And some people maintain the claim that it is how children are socialized today that determines the destiny of society. Although we have not learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society, after a closer examination over all the matters, to large extent, I am on the opposite side of this claim.
To begin with, I have to concede the notion that the socialization, especially the socialization of children, determines the way of society development, at certain degree, is accepted as rational, since socialization always makes teenagers attach to the whole society. Moreover, we really do not know how to bring our sons and daughters up in order to construct a better society.
Nevertheless, to improve the socialization level of boys and girls is born with some defects which can make things worse off. Socialization is just one factor, which is not the most significant one, of the ample ones that influence the development of society. According to a survey by Society Study, nearly 90% of the respondents from 25 to 75 in E.U. admitted that the over-socialization of children is not accepted as beneficial for the young people who are not of strong discrimination.
In addition, the feasibility of this idea is still open to question. A multitude of difficulties such as are acknowledged as indispensable element play decisive roles in minimizing the viability. As a result, it is really difficult to improve the socialization level. Furthermore, sounded though it is theoretically, in practice this definition is awkward in serving as a convincing reference that can offer objective and reliable guidance.
The last but not the least, the consequences of over-socialization would turn out to be destructive. It will inevitable endanger both the individual development and the whole society. The potential confusion and misleading socialization incurs are outweighed the expected reference and guidance it can offer if the extent to it is out of control. If we just pay attention to the socialization, our society would be driven to a dead ending.
All in all, the socialization level of children cannot determine the destiny of society, while we, the whole society are supported to try our best to find an efficient and effective way to educate our offspring who can help bring about a much more wonderful society.
Hello Friend, sorry for the delay.
I hate this sentence with all my heart:
Under many circumstances, the positive and negative influence of improving the socialization level of children is much concerned to a point where a wide discussion has been aroused. ----This is SO complicated. The sentences I hate are the ones that use too many words to say something simple.
Under many circumstances, the positive and negative influence of i Improving the socialization level of children. is much concerned to a point where a wide discussion has been aroused. Actually, just destroy the whole sentence. The essay will be better without it:
And Some people maintain the claim that it is how children are socialized today that determines the destiny of society. Although we have not learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society, after a closer examination over all the matters, to large extent, I am on the opposite side of this claim. (Now give a sentence that tells the MAIN idea you are explaining in the essay. That is the thesis statement.)
To begin with, I have to concede...
You have great topic sentences!
I want to suggest something: Give a definition of socialization in the intro paragraph. People can use that word in various ways. :-)
Great job... you have a very good discussion here.
EF_Susan
Thanks for your suggestions.
In fact, the complex sentence comes from another essay written by others. Perhaps, I need to discriminate them the next time.
What's more, could you give me some suggestions on how to improve my idea about the history, the culture, the religion and etc. When I meet some topics like that, I don't know how to deal with them. For example, rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are.
Thanks again!
In fact, the complex sentence comes from another essay written by others. Perhaps, I need to discriminate them the next time.
What do you mean? It's a sentence you copied from another essay? You should change some words to make your essay original.
About those other topics, a good approach is to try to show both sides of the situation. For example, ritual preserved culture but it also preserves stereotypes and cultural differences associated with isolationism and racism.
Culture is both good and bad.
If you show both sides of every issue and then tell YOUR opinion, you will do well!
