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Societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. IELTS


uzboy 9 / 29  
May 10, 2014   #1
All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled?

A good healthy diet can make people live longer and better through their lives. Now, however, in many parts of the world the health problem of obesity is alarmingly increasing by affecting both young and elderly people. This essay will look at causes for this issue and propose some solutions.

One of the main reasons of the problem is that the majority of people do not lead a healthy and balanced diet. In my country, for example, individuals work long hours, after work they come home feeling themselves very hungry. As a result, they tend to over eat high-calorie foods, and then they often go to bed before the digestion begins. A solution is for the people to follow dietitians` advices in order to make a healthy and appropriate diet for themselves.

Another problem is that the indoor, but sedentary activities can attract people`s attention by making them stay under inactive lifestyles. That is to say, in our modern society many children would rather choose playing computer games and watching TV for several hours than playing outdoor ones with friends or taking part in some sports. This tends to induce people to be overweight figure. To tackle this issue, parents of children must take more care of their offspring by creating proper schedule for every action.

A third cause of the problem is that genes have a strong influence on a person`s weight. Overweight and obesity tend to pass through genes. If one or both parents are overweight or obese, their children are more likely to face obesity. In addition, genes can evolve a greater road to increase the risk of weight gain if they interact with aforementioned risk factors, such as unhealthy diet and inactive lifestyles. The way forward might be to adopt a healthy lifestyle which could counteract these genetic effects.

To sum up, obesity is increasingly becoming a major problem in most developed countries, due to reasons such as unhealthy diets, inactive lifestyles and genes. This is a serious problem, and unless we act to live in healthy lifestyles, our life will be at risk. My view is that we all must care about this issue.

fikri 5 / 317 71  
May 10, 2014   #2
you already wrote as the task wants, you composed well, but try to pay more attention in all parts of your essay, small mistake may become your big trouble if you leave it
Nguyen Cong 2 / 4  
May 10, 2014   #3
I think in the comments of uzboy : "Throughout this essay, I will look at eleborate on the causes for this issue of obesity and propose some solutions"

"eleborate" must be changed into " elaborate ".
Eventually, it's great to read your words.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
May 10, 2014   #4
A good healthy diet can make people live longer and better through their lives.
Now, howeverHowever, in many parts of the world today, the health problem of obesity is alarmingly increasing by affecting both young and elderly people.

This essay will look at causes for this issue and propose some solutions.

Instead of this sentence you should have briefly presented the reasons and measures in the intro itself :)
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
May 10, 2014   #5
Another problem is that the indoor, but sedentary activities can attract people`s attention by making them stay under inactive lifestyles.people today have the option of working from home that discourages human activities.

A third cause of the problem is that one's genes too have a strong influence on a person`shis or her personal weight.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
May 10, 2014   #6
Developing the classical five paragraph essay or more will send you to earn a very impressive result, but this should be followed by a succinct explanation, coherent sentences, grammar error-free, colloquial usage, etc. Otherwise, you may get an average score.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
May 11, 2014   #7
One of the main reasons of thefor this problem is that the majority of people do not leadeat a healthy and balanced diet.

Another problem is that the indoor, but sedentary activities can attract people`s attention by making them stay under inactive lifestyles.

... well, I think you should have said this reason in a more simple and convincing manner. Do not try to present your ideas in more complex sentences because that can harm the clarity of the idea. Your first preference should be for clarity.


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