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IELTS TASK 2 - In some societies, fashion is becoming more and more important


madmoiselle 21 / 33 5  
May 24, 2016   #1
In some societies, fashion is becoming more and more important in choosing clothes. Why is it the case? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Some individuals argue that being more fashionable is important, particularly in choosing clothes. This is due to they put the appearance as a paramount value in their life. I personally believe that fashion leads people to positive way.

In today society life, many people are undoubtedly spending their money for fashionable clothes. A host of dress styles created by designers and their works invite people to become trendy, stylish and good looking. In addition, some individuals even pay high cost a designer for a splendid dress which suit to their body for certain events such as wedding party and ceremony. Thus, it is unquestionably true that choosing the best clothe is important for people's appearance.

There are some positives effects of being fashionable in a daily life. Firstly, people will be more confidence by wearing their best dress in any occasion, for instance meeting up with a prominent person, attending birthday party and so forth. This is because they evidently comfort with their dress. Moreover, people will be braver showing in front of many people, especially for those who work as a motivator or public figure. As a result, people will experience their daily pursuit optimistically.

In conclusion, fashion becomes more important in today's world. Wearing the best clothe in any occasion are able increasing a confidence value, therefore fashion is a positive development to foster people's personality.

akbartaufiq25 7 / 81 54  
May 24, 2016   #2
Hello Réré, you have put the ideas clear and coherent in this essay. To develop the current writing better, you may consider the following comments:

"In today societieslife,.." The word "societies" already represents the "life".
"In addition, some individualsPeople even.."
"..which suit to their body looks for certain events.."
"..are some positives effects.."
"..more confidenceconfident .." Confidence is noun, you must add adjective instead.

I found that you use word "clothe" oftenly. It should be noticed that "clothe" is a verb. If you would like to refer the word as noun, replace it with "clothes".

There you go. Hope these help. Regards.
pebzna12 13 / 24 9  
May 24, 2016   #3
Hello, Rere!
Here is my suggestions.

positive ways >> 's' is needed there because from your explanation above you focus on several points on positive effect.

This is due to they put the appearance as a paramount value in their life. >> I think the connection word 'due to' is not that appropriate there, it is better to replace it by [i]'because' .[/i]

In today society life , many people are undoubtedly spending their money for (purchasing) fashionable clothes.

In addition, some individuals even pay high cost a designer ... >> below is my alternative revision:
In addition, some individuals even pay a high cost to a designer for creating a splendid dress which fits their body. That dress commonly wore for certain events such as wedding party and ceremony (what kind of ceremony? or do you mean celebration?) .

Thus, it is unquestionably true that choosing the best clothe(I think if you refer this word to piece that we wear, it should be 'clothes') is important for (supporting) people's appearance.

This is because they evidently comfort with their dress. >> How about make it like this:
This is because they feel comfortable with their dress

Moreover, people will be braver showing in front of many people , especially for those who work as a motivator or public figure. >> Below is my example:

Moreover, people will gain more confidence to appear in public, especially for those who work as a motivator [i](i think the relation is not clear) or public figure[/i].

As a result, people will experience their daily pursuit optimistically. >> As a result, people will experience their daily life optimistically.

In conclusion, fashion becomes more important in today's world. Wearing the best ...
In conclusion, fashion becomes more important in this world today. Wearing the best clothes in any occasion gaining possibility to improve the confidence level. Therefore, fashion becomes a positive development to foster people's personality.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
May 24, 2016   #4
HI Rere, here's my take on the second and the third part your argument.

2nd paragraph
- In today society life ,
- forin buying more fashionable clothes.
- pay higher cost
- ofa designers for a
- whichthat suitsto - the best clotheapparel is important

3rd paragraph
- There are some positives effects
- of being fashionable in aour daily life.
- Firstly , people will be
- more confidenceconfident by wearing
- This is because they evidentlychoose to be
- comfortable with their dress.
- Moreover, people will be braverit boosts their confidence in
- showing up in front of many people,
- people will experience theira daily pursuit optimisticallyof being optimistic .

There you have it Rere, still a lot of work to be done, however, you are taking each time to learn from your pervious work and this is just great.

Good job on that and keep writing.
OP madmoiselle 21 / 33 5  
May 25, 2016   #5
Thank you akbar, ivy, and febry for your constructive comments :)
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
May 26, 2016   #6
No worries at all Rere, you know that we will always be here to assist you with any writing projects that you may have. For future writing reference, I would like to remind you of the following;

- Mind the choice of words that you input in your sentences.
- Make use of the ideas that you have formed in your head and express them as logical as possible, this way, you will have a clear picture of your essay and the message you want to convey to your reader.

- The minor details such as the linking verbs, the punctuation marks as well as the tenses that you use may seem minor but this is very crucial to the fulfillment of a well written essay.

There you have it Rere, you are doing a good job in keeping a track of your progress and writing as much as possible and this is what makes your practice worthwhile.

I hope this insights help and encourage you to write more and write often, aslo, reading from time to time is a good habit to form.


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