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IELTS Essay : Should Society Ban All Forms of Advertising?


nishanthand 2 / 4  
Aug 10, 2010   #1
Dear All,
I am preparing for IELTS (General) exam and need your assistance to improve my writings.
Question:
Should Society Ban All Forms of Advertising. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of advertising and highlight your opinion.

I wrote below essay and, please help me to improve it.

Thank you
Nishantha.

For last several decades advertising and advertisements had became a part of our lives. Various Companies uses this method to promote their products and services, through the mass media like Television, Radio, news papers to simple personal message which receives to our mobile. It is possible to identify both negative and positive effects over the advertisements.

The primary target of advertisement is to increase the profit of a company. Furthermore it helps to build up a brand name and eventually it will help with the recognition of the product or the service. On the other hand When it comes to consumers, advertisements help them to familiar with different brands and get the information about the product or services, there features, advantage over other and information about competitive brands.

However nowadays the advising cost is very high and it directly effect on small companies and business. They cannot compete with large multinational companies which spent huge amount of money on advertising. This can be consider as a the biggest drawback when it comes to small investors and small companies.

Furthermore latest psychological researches have shown that children highly influence by the advertisement. It is believed that young children who are in the age between five to nine cannot distinguish the real world with the advertisements and consequently they can be victims of various brands and most of the time they may be misled.

On the other hand it can be seen that, the information highlighted in the mass media may not be correct for all products and services. Most of the produces and service highlight the qualities of the produces with very generous view point. There are no mechanism for controlling or validate the content of the advertisements.

Despite of the above bad effect, promoting the product and services is mandatory thing for both sellers and buyers. Hence by enforcing various legal obligations, authorities should enforce to minimize the bad effects and make sure to enforce the preventive measurement. Independence authorities should implement for controlling and checking the validity of the content and the same time should minimize the advertisements targeting children and teenagers.

Zubaida 18 / 35  
Aug 11, 2010   #2
Various Companies usesuse this method to promote

Furthermore, it helps to build up...
On the other hand, w hen it comes to consumers, advertisements....
Furthermore, latest psychological researches have shown that children are highly influenced by the advertisement.
On the other hand, it can be seen that, the information...

However, nowadays the advising cost is very high and it directly effecton small companies and business. (effect is anoun. affect is averb)
I think you should say: it directly affects small companies and business.

This can be consider as a the biggest drawback (you should not use (a) and (the) together)

(There areis no mechanism for controlling) or There are no mechanisms for controlling

I hope this will help.
Good Luck
OP nishanthand 2 / 4  
Aug 11, 2010   #3
Thank you Zubaida.
Yes, It helped me lot to minimize the common mistakes that I am always doing. I will make sure to double check my writings.

Thank you again.
eaglet008 2 / 2  
Aug 12, 2010   #4
i am not a native english speaker; but to me it is really a good try.
anyway, i think the feedbacks should be more focusing on the ideas of the essay rather than few grammar mistakes. cheers.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Aug 12, 2010   #5
Why did you capitalize the word 'when' in the middle of a sentence? Only capitalize the first word of each sentence. Unless it is the first word of a sentence, you should only capitalize it if it is a proper noun.

Hey, I think you should answer their question in your first paragraph. You should say something like this:
Advertising should not be banned, because ____________________________.

Children are influenced.
Children are influence by advertisements...
You need a d on the end. :-)

You are doing very well!!! Always use the key words from the prompt when you write your essay, and you will get a good score. For example, you should add some sentences that talk about the advantages of banning advertisements. Then, add some sentences about the disadvantages of banning advertisements.
OP nishanthand 2 / 4  
Aug 14, 2010   #6
Thank you very much all of you, for the support. It was really helpful. Thank you again.
preacherjew - / 1  
Aug 14, 2010   #7
Should Society Ban All Forms of Advertising. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of advertising and highlight your opinion (My contribution)
Advertising in the society of today form a major impact in the growth of businesses especially those in the services industry, should society ban all forms of advertising depend if advertising affect the society negatively.

First, let's look at the advantages of advertisement: It promote new products and services, it brings information to the door steps of the end user, it creates job opportunities for those in the media sector and marketing industry, it gives more information on the product and services being advertised for, it improves the way an end consumer looks at a product before advertisement, it makes such products and services more popular in the market, to mention but few.

Now let's look at the disadvantages: only advert that portray nude image can bring negative impact on the children, advert with that do not carry the right message that fit with the product could spell doom for the marketing of such products, it liters our environment in terms of flyers given out on the street.

Now my opinion is of the notion that society should not ban all forms of advertising because base on the advantages given above, because it would rather bring a negative impact on the society, let look for instance an advertising firm that had a work force of 500 people working for them being shut down, the 500 people automatically becomes unemployed and that is a risk on the society because any society that harbors greater percentage of unemployed persons take the risk of having greater percentage of crimes as well.

Finally, what will happen to any production and service delivery firm in a situation where there is no advertising is that business will be slow for them and that might cause bankruptcy in the industry when they cannot meet their target.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Aug 14, 2010   #8
Good points, Preacherjew, so you think it is not good to ban advertising. I guess I think it is actually not possible to ban advertising, because people will always find a way to promote their products and services.

Advertising revenue pays for television networks, so entertainment and advertising are mutually dependent on one another.


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