Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

A SOCIETY IS BASED ON LAWS AND RULES. DISCUSS THE PERSON WHO WANT TO LIVE FREELY


niraj /  
Sep 10, 2009   #1
A society is based on laws and rules. The individuals who want freedom would face problems in this society. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

In this modern century where every individual is democratic to live their life in own style but sometimes his living creates problem for other person then he had to face laws and rules created by society . The society creates laws and rules for safety of person who face problem from other community.The laws are made to kept

to save from racism. I agree that every citizen of a country should follow the rules and laws created by society.

The people live in society are of different culture, caste and even different community with different thinking try to create problem for other caste , these laws are helpful that time, for examples in India there is fight between two communities mostly between Hindu and Muslim , the can't live together, if some time there is small fight between them the complete community of Hindu and Muslim start fighting and a small fights become big riots in city so that time these laws are helpful to maintain peace .These laws are made by society to help people who love peace .

Secondly every people have their own mind and thinking , sometime for fun he start beating other people to show he had so much power and courage so that time these laws help other people to get compensation or the person get punished by society.So laws and rules are necessary in society , it help to maintain peace all over the world
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Sep 10, 2009   #2
In this modern century where every individual is democratic to live their life in own style but sometimes his living creates problem for other person then he had to face laws and rules created by society .

This is a perfect example of what I wrote about a previous essay of yours: You are writing long sentences into which errors inevitably creep. I am sorry to have to say this so bluntly, but your English skills are simply not sufficient to allow you to write at that level of complexity. You must write short, simple, error-free sentences if you want to have any chance at all of passing the IELTS. What, exactly, are you saying here? I can't rewrite it for you, because I can't figure out what you are trying to say.

Let me try rewriting another sentence:

Secondly every people have their own mind and thinking , sometime for fun he start beating other people to show he had so much power and courage so that time these laws help other people to get compensation or the person get punished by society.

Rewrite:
Secondly,all people have their own minds and ways of thinking.S ometimes, for fun,a person might start beating other people to show that he has so much power and courage.so that time theseIn that insance, laws help other people to get compensation for their injuries.or the person get punished by society.Laws also punish that person for his crimes.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Sep 11, 2009   #3
Again, try revising this essay yourself, focusing purely on eliminating all grammatical errors. Working out for yourself what is wrong, and finding ways to fix them by yourself, will be a very good exercise that will rapidly improve your grammar. Any basic grammar book should be able to help you figure out most of what is wrong. Once you have smoother grammar, we will be able to help you in more detail.


Home / Writing Feedback / A SOCIETY IS BASED ON LAWS AND RULES. DISCUSS THE PERSON WHO WANT TO LIVE FREELY