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IELTS; In our society child's education have never been a simple task


nguyenngoc 4 / 8  
May 21, 2013   #1
topic: some people think that parents should teach children how to be a good member of society. other, however, believe that school is place to learn this.discuss both these view and give your opinion.

In our society child's education have never been a simple task. Some people argue that, children should be taught to be a value member in their community by their parents. While, others claim school should be taken responsibility for this issue.

Family is the first school in which children learn moral criteria. The children are significantly impacted by surrounding milieu, especially in early period of their life. In order to be a good citizen each individuals has to respect and abiding rules in their community. Therefore, the parents play a key role to teach their children the way to respect and obey rules. Besides that, sharing responsibility is expected as a duty of the good members in the society, thus children need parents to be educated about their behaviors to their community where they are living. From this view, home is vital part contributing to shape a value citizen.

On the other hand, the children will attend to school to accumulate social skills and academic knowledge as well. At the school, those who have more chance to connect to other people such as peers and their teachers who teach them a number of vital skills for instance: communication skill, and team work. Besides that, the academic knowledge is obtained from there that will help children to have stable initial steps for their future. In this way, school is definitely significant part in children life.

In conclusion, I am believed that family and the school have considerable role in shaping children's characteristics in various ways. Combination in education between the family and the school is the best way to have the good citizens for a prospective community

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
May 21, 2013   #2
children should be taught to be a value member in their community by their parents

.... this has a fundamental error.... children is plural and "a valuable member" (note - it is "valuable" member and not "value member") refers to singular form.

children should be taught to be respectable members in their society by their parents . .... Also, I like if you use direct speech which is more powerful in conveying this idea;

Parents should teach their children to be respectable members in society.
Also, it is good if you stated your opinion in the introduction itself so that you can take your examiner easily in your desired direction.

Family is the first school in which children learn moralcriteriavalues .

In order to be a good citizen each individualsindividual has to respect and abiding rules in their community.

each individual / all individuals

On the other hand, the children will attend to school to accumulate social skills and as well as academic knowledge as well .
Max Payne 1 / 1  
May 21, 2013   #3
I think your essay is good
OP nguyenngoc 4 / 8  
May 21, 2013   #4
because this is discuss essay, so i think that my opinion is not importan in the introduction paragrap, we just need to analyse the issue on two of views and give opinion in the conclusion paragraph of the essay.

thanks a lot dumi!
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
May 21, 2013   #5
In our society child's education have never been a simple task

-> has never been

While, others claim school should be taken responsibility for this issue

-> school should take the responsibility

At the school, those who have more chance to connect to other people such as peers and their teachers who teach them a number of vital skills for instance: communication skill, and team work.

-> It's not a complete sentence.
-> At school, those who are eager to connect with other people such as their peers and teachers will be more likely to attain a number of vital skills, for instance, communication skill and teamwork.

Besides that, the academic knowledge is obtained from there that will help children to have stable initial steps for their future.

-> You can use "In addition" or "Furthermore" instead of "Besides that" that you did use once on the first body paragraph.

-> In addition, academic knowledge obtained from schools will establish a firm basis for children's future.

school is definitely significant part in children life.

-> a significant part in children's life

In conclusion, I am believed that

-> I believe that
April April 13 / 148 22  
May 26, 2013   #6
others claim school should be takentake responsibility for this issue

each individuals has to respect and abidingabide by the rules

At the school, those who have more chance to connect to other people such as peers and their teachers who teach them a number of vital skills for instance: communication skill, and team work .

--> this is an incomplete sentence. the green part modifies the subject "those" because you used "who", so there is no verb in this sentence.

I am believed that

family and the school haveplay considerable roles in

It's really important that you pay attention to your grammar. If you make too many grammatical mistakes, you won't be able to get a high band score.

Also, try to shorten the sentences or you will lose track of what you're trying to express and this will lead to incomplete sentences.


Best
mussy 5 / 17 1  
May 27, 2013   #7
Dumi has said everything. Good job dude.
shaddy 17 / 47 7  
May 27, 2013   #8
Family is the first school in which children learn moral criteria

Family members are the first from whom children learn moral values and its importance.

In order to be a good citizen each individuals has to respect and abiding rules in their community

In order to be a good citizen each individual has to respect and abide the rules in its community.

thus children need parents to be educated about their behaviors toin thetheir community where they are living. From this view, home is vital part contributing to shape a valued citizen.

I am believed that

I believe that....
Habib Rastegar 8 / 18 1  
May 27, 2013   #9
that, children

never need comma

Some people argue that, children should be taught to be a value member in their community by their parents

Some people argue that, children should be taught to be avaluevaluablemembemembers in their community by their parents

claim school

others claim that

especially in early period of their life

specially in early their own ages

each individuals has to

each individual has to

Besides that

besides (that )


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