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In today's society, success is often measured in terms of wealth and possessions. Is it right?


lvi  
Mar 6, 2018   #1

measuring the success of a person



From the ancient time, there has been a great conspiracy among the people to judge the success of individuals. Where some of them believe that money and control over the things gives the correct measure of success, others opine differently. I personally agree with this notion. This essay sheds lights on the relevant reasons supporting my viewpoints.

The first and foremost reason is, with the help of money people are able to buy luxuries for themselves, which show their high status in the society. Moreover, now a days people always praise those person who are spending their lives lavishly. Moving to the next reason, success of the individuals umpired by whether they are able to fulfill their needs or not, for which money plays a great role. Furthermore, they are able to provide good education to their children and food for their family. In last if a person has a good amount of money, he can easily manage their life and able to control the things happening around them. Furthermore, they can easily help others in terms of financial situations, which in turn helps them to earn respect among needy.

On the flip side, critics disagree as they believe money can not buy happiness, which is one of the most significant method to expedite the triumph of a person. In spite of having a numerous amount of money, they are unable to spend a quality time with their families. In addition to this, social life of persons also consider as one of the most important factor while governing their achievements. Many of them are indulge in a rat race to earn more and more money in account of their health and time, that they are not able to see the beauty of life.

To conclude, although happiness and social life is necessary for measuring the success of a person, but assets and riches of a person are always consider as the first factor to judge the success of a person..

please friends give me feedback and tell me my grammar mistakes. I'm preparing for ielts . I do many grammatical mistakes. can anyone tell me how to solve this problem

chlu  
Mar 10, 2018   #2
Hi, the followings are revised by me. Hope that will help you.

I think one way to improved grammar is to use shorter sentences. Don't try to write a sentence includes lots of information and then you might be able to use grammar correctly. Another way is to remember the part of speech. Moreover, your essay is full of "which" that you want to mean the whole previous sentences. I am not so sure about the grammar, but using these might will also lead you to make mistakes.

Where While some ...

... reason is, that with the help of money, people ..., which showing their ...

Moreover, nowadays people ...

... reason,whensuccess of the individuals is umpired ... or not, for which money plays a great role.

... respect among the needy.

In addition to this, social life of persons is also considered as ...

... are indulged in a rat race ... As a result, they are ...

... of a person, but assets ... considered as the first ...


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