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Solutions to reduce car use. What can be done to discourage people from using their car?


Tracy Tram 2 / 6  
Jul 27, 2020   #1
Topic: there is a good deal of evidence that increasing car use is contributing to global warming and having undesirable effects on people's health and well being.

What can be done to discourage people from using their car?



Here is my essay, please check it for me. Thanks a lot!

From the very first time of the 20th century, there has been an explosion in the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, which has affected humans being seriuosly and caused many harmful effects on earth such as climate change and global warming. One of the main contributions to the carbon increase is the dramatic rise in using petrol car and fortuantely, this state can totally be reduced to the least. Here are some considerable solutions to lessen the gasoline vehicles use.

To the best of my knowledge, the most efficient solution is to encourage civilians to use public transports as often as they can by giving the peole who most frequently travel by public vehicles some valuable awards. These awards can be a free year using public transports or an eco-friendly vehicle such as bike or electronic motorbike. By deploying this plan, local residents will be more interested in using tram and bus rather than their private cars. Who want to pay for the costly fuel while they can either travel by cheap price or have a chance of winning awards? Obviously, making the local feel that they are taking advantages while using public transports is the best way to reduce car use.

Another effective solution that we have to take into consideration is to increase the tax of gasoline car while remaining the same tax of electronic vehicles. By dong this proposal, not only can we cut down on the diesel car purchase but we can also promote many people to either use public transports or buy eco-friendly vehicles. As a result, the amount of carbon dioxide will decrease sharply and lead to the significant reduction of air pollution. All things analyzed above is to say that rising the diesel transport tax can make enormous contribution to the global warming prevention.

Last but not least, widely provide education about the essential of protecting environment is also a beneficial solution to discourage everyone from using private car. If we have right awareness of how serious the air pollution is, we may naturally lessen our carbon footprint by taking bus or tram instead of gasoline vehicles. In my opinion, apart from some exceptions, nobody want to ruin their habitats if they are taught profoundly about the importance of nature to humans being.

All things aforementioned, I have a strong belief that those solutions above will bring a huge amount of benefits to either people's well being or the earth. It's not too late to take action now.

littleKivy 1 / 3 2  
Jul 27, 2020   #2
Hi! Great job on your essay, here is some of my improvements line by line:

- "From the very first time of the 20th century,.." - I get what you're trying to say, but "the very first time" doesn't sound best to use in this context. Maybe try: "From the very BEGINNING of the 20th century"

- "there has been an explosion in the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere,..." - Again, I get what you're trying to say and you might have not wanted to use "increase" as you used it later on, but "explosion" isn't the best fit. Try looking for more synonyms for "increase" using sites like wordhippo.com

- "and fortuantely, this state can totally be reduced to the least." - Maybe use BUT instead of AND to show the contrast. Also, the next part of the sentence in RED doesn't make that much grammatical sense. Try something like, "this state can be reduced if we work hard", or something along the lines. The word in BOLD is a spelling error.

- "To the best of my knowledge,..." - use another starter that shows your confidence in your argument.

- "an eco-friendly vehicles" - should not be plural: VEHICLE

- " ... using tram and bus rather ... Who want to pay ... can either travel by cheap price or have ... Obviously, making the local feel that they are taking advantages while ..." - The phrases and words in bold, have grammatical errors that seem out of place when you read the sentence, proof-read your work and read it aloud to find what makes most sense. In most cases you didn't use the plural of the word when you were supposed to.

Great job! Keep working hard! I hope my feedback is useful!
OP Tracy Tram 2 / 6  
Jul 27, 2020   #3
@littleKivy
I am really grateful to you for having pointed out my mistakes and i will try my best to fix them. Thank you so much! ^^
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,031 2721  
Jul 27, 2020   #4
Please indicate what English exam you will be taking the next time you post an essay so that the proper free review criteria can be applied to your essay presentation. Thanks.

Well, regardless of whether this essay was written for a TOEFL or IELTS test, one thing is clear, you have written too many words. While the TOEFL test allows you 30 minutes to write at least 300 words, and the IELTS allows you 250 words within 40 minutes, neither test will allow you to write 417 words in such an imperfect manner. Your errors include spelling errors, grammar and sentence structure errors, along with conciseness, and formality errors in your presentation. All of which you should have been able to review and revise if you had focused on quality of writing rather than length of writing.

Your prompt paraphrase is inaccurate. It does not refer to the original prompt discussion at all. If this was written for a Task 2 essay, you would already have created a scoring problem for your essay. You have changed the discussion topic from the original. This would have been a properly paraphrased essay had you instead said:

There is a growing belief, based on physical data, that automobile operations has an effect on the population's mindset and fitness. Due to these considerations, it is important to address the way that the public use their autos. I believe that one major way that people can be convinced to not use their private vehicles is by making public transport more efficient.

Do not offer questions within your presentation. That will alter the content of the essay. If you present a question, you will have to respond to it, which may result in your changing the discussion target of the essay. So it is better if you never pose a rhetorical question within the discussion.

Learn to present your thoughts within the required 3-5 sentences. Keep it short, clear, and coherent. Your essay is solely focused on showing off your vocabulary, which is not the only scoring consideration in any test. Make sure the examiner, regardless of the test, will see that you are capable of saying more with less words. You do not need to over discuss or over present information. You need to be balanced in the presentation, without going overboard with your word count.
OP Tracy Tram 2 / 6  
Jul 27, 2020   #5
@Holt
You are so kind and meticulous because not only have you told me my deficiency but you also given detailed corrections to my essay! I am really grateful to you for your response and i will try my best to improve my writing skills according to your advice!


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